There are many things in life that I am not fully sure of and know are not black and white. Life is not absolute in both its gloriousness
and messiness and there are many shades of grey all around us. There are also billions of varying passionate opinions about everything from democracy, to brussel sprouts to meditation. But here are a few things I know, in my own mind, for absolute sure…
Little girls should not be injected with Botox
Little girls should not have pre-emptive waxing so they do not grow pubic hair
Little girls should not be told they have to look or be perfect
Little girls should not receive invasive beauty treatments as a birthday present
Little girls should not check their face every night for wrinkles
Little girls should not want to have a breast augmentation or nose job
These things I know for sure. For absolute sure. While I might be sure about all these things, I have read a story today that clearly tells me others disagree entirely.
This story outlines how Kerry, the Mother of eight year old Britney, regularly injects her with botox, is getting her waxed so she doesn’t grow and has lesser pubic hair and is deliberately grooming her to be a star: “What I am doing for Britney now will help her become a star. I know one day she will be a model, actress or singer, and having these treatments now will ensure she stays looking younger and baby-faced for longer.” It doesn’t surprise me to learn that on this path to stardom Kerry is also entering Britney into child beauty pageants: ”When Britney takes part in pageants, parents talk about how they have given their daughter an extra jab to plump her lips or lose a wrinkle. Everyone is doing it and talking about it. We are not doing anything illegal, and I don’t want my daughter being the only one who doesn’t have a bit of extra help.”
I’m not sure where to even begin explaining how I feel about this story because, quite honestly, I swing from feeling deeply saddened to blindingly angry to outrageously concerned. All I know is that young Britney doesn’t deserve to be caught up in this world of ‘star’ making, wrinkle worry and needles in her face. It’s wrong. It’s very, very wrong and nothing will make me think otherwise. I certainly won’t think it ever worth it for a cheap polyester pageant sash or Youtube hit.
Why?
Because no little girls development and journey into womanhood should be twisted or stopped in this way. Childhood is a precious and beautiful time where girls should not be worried about anything except playing, sharing, learning, exploring and having fun - all day, every day, on repeat over and over. Childhood is not a time to be so deeply obsessed with appearance that we have girls checking for wrinkles in the mirror and trying to make their Mothers’ happy about having a foreign substance injected in their face.
I can’t even begin to explore without knowing Kerry or talking to her myself, why she is so deeply entrenched in treating her daughter in this way. The variables are just too great. I can only hope that at some point in time she will be able to see Britney for the precious natural gift she is and stop subjecting her to these invasive procedures that teach a child that the most important and valuable thing about them is the way they look. I can only hope that Britney does at some point know that she is a beautiful girl without Botox and, yes, with pubic hair.
While I hope these things for Kerry and Britney, I will likely never meet them or be able to help them directly. I can only do what I can about what I see are blindingly atrocious beauty standards, the increasing sexualisation of childhood, narrow media ideals and a pervasive culture pushing ever more strongly towards personal body scrutiny and self hatred. I know I am not the only voice.
Thank God. There are so many of you out there and when we see tragic things like this we must not give up speaking out. We must continue to speak out against a world where the chasing of celebrity status or a fabricated beauty ideal infiltrates our lives in such a deeply personal and potentially tragic way. The risk of raising a generation of girls who are deeply troubled about their body image, sexuality and value as human beings is too high not to.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Terrible, terrible thing!!!!
I agree Kelly. Absolutely terrible indeed.
Thanks for talking about this. I have to admit that I was totally unaware of this new extreme and WOW. I mean, just wow. I never cease to be completely shocked and hit off guard at just how far people will go. It’s so beyond my comprehension.
And as we know, Botox isn’t just a foreign substance – it’s a toxin. Produced by a bacteria. That causes paralysis. PARALYSIS. If we really think about that, and let that sink in, how can injecting a paralytic toxin into the face of a minor NOT be illegal? Seriously.
It’s a really good question you raise Melissa. Botox is not the simple and non-dangerous procedure many people think it is and one would surely think there were regulations somewhere that said it was not to be injected in children.
Wow. I haven’t read the original article yet … but I’m not even sure I want to based on what you wrote here. This is tragic. My first thought when I saw your blurb on facebook was, “This borders on abuse.”
I do think it’s abusive regardless of whether our “laws” say it’s legal or not. And to justify such actions by claiming it’s not illegal??? How can a mother do this to a child? And worse – the child probably enjoys it; asks for treatments; “wants” to look prettier … because she doesn’t know any better!!!
Can’t you just see it? Eating disordered, self-mutilating, depressed girl before she hits puberty. So sad.
Just a heads up Wendy – if you ever do read the original article there are actual photo’s there of the little girl being injected with Botox. It’s not pretty.
One of the comments on the original article (maybe more, I stopped reading because of this one) said that it was nonsense because the daughter wasn’t pretty enough to be a model or a star anyway. So in an egregious article about the sexualizing and objectifying of a little girl, we have someone ramping up the standards of objectification. Apparently if she were the right kind of object, this would be less offensive? Dang.
Comments like that are unfortunately all too common on stories like this Jeanne. They miss the point entirely. Yes – Dang!
Wonderful post! I will write more later when I entirely wrap my head around this. I think you’ve said exactly what needed to be said about such an unfortunate and potentially (most likely) damaging situation between this mother and young daughter.
Thank you for all you do!
xo Melissa
That means a great deal coming from you Melissa who I know is so passionate about this issue. I look forward to hearing more from you and your thoughts. It’s such a sad situation.
This story is just so sad and disturbing. This poor little girl, checking herself nightly to see if she’s developed any new wrinkles. Someone needs to intervene. I live in California and, I don’t know if there are any specific laws prohibiting injecting Botox into 8 year olds or waxing, but I’m going to look in to it. Something seems fishy… If it were legal as mom claims, she wouldn’t have to get her supplies the way she does. Set aside the emotional impact of what this mother is doing and just think about the long term effects of injecting a toxin into a child 4 times a year.
I note on the Beautiful You Facebook page that you have already found out that injecting Botox without a proper licence is most likely illegal. This places a whole new spin on this story and brings into question whether now the story has gone public if authorities do indeed have to intervene. I wonder what such a thing may also mean to other parents of pageant children who are doing this too?
Holy daylight. And I felt guilty letting my 12 year old get her mammoth eyebrows waxed. She had been on pred pills and eye drops for an inflammatory condition and her eyebrows grew together in a fantastic furry star pattern. I hated that she hated looking in the mirror, so I took her for a wax. She’s now 16 and loves the way she looks… BUT I WOULD NEVER EVER EVER Botox her. I would totally save that for ME!
Thanks for dropping by Rebecca. I think your daughter getting her eyebrows waxed is a really personal thing but as you explain there were circumstances there that were not the norm. Botox in this circumstance I think is entirely different.
This is battery. I don’t care if the law doesn’t actually recognize that it is, but it is. This little girl can’t truly consent to the procedure and was more than likely coerced into letting her mother do this. Children are so easily manipulated that there are special laws in place for making sure that they’re actually protected (at least in the U.S.). The fact that this is a dangerous, invasive, completely optional cosmetic procedure there’s no reason that this girl needs this shit injected into her body.
Also, the mother should be seeing a psychologist. In all likelihood she has some sort of mental disorder. Obsessions this strong are indicative of something.
While I can’t diagnose Kerry from afar Jak I do believe she needs psycho-social help of some form simply because I believe she is entirely irrational in her beliefs that what she is doing here is not harming her daughter. It is.
I second the things you know for sure… When I read this story originally, it made my stomach turn.
Mine too Ashley – mine too. It wasn’t an easy post to write because clearly this is a delicate topic involving two very real people. I’m sure glad I now did.
This is simply shocking. The girl is so young that clearly her mother’s words have become her own thoughts. She’ll never bounce back from this. Tragic.
I can only hope she does bounce back Becca. Hopefully it will stop soon and common sense will prevail.
Oh this made my heart hurt (and my head explode). Julie, thank you for sharing this story. But especially thank you for the compassionate, articulate way you explored why this is so painfully wrong and dangerous!
Thank you Ann. I really appreciate your feedback.
Ugh, I can hardly bear to to read this. Another GLARING example of why mothers need to confront their own body image issues. Unfortunately, the fact that these issues are so normalized in our perfection-obsessed culture makes it difficult for women to reach that point of self-awareness. Thanks for your thoughtful treatment of this story, Julie.
Thanks Claire. You are so right – self awareness from Mothers is key but alas sadly missing here.
One of my best friends had a party to celebrate her first period. While I think, just sayin’ personally, I’d have died from humiliation if my mum had done that (and I’m a nurse – other people’s body functions are…whatever….my own…EWWW!!!!) , I wonder if Britney’s mum will celebrate her move into womanhood, or if she’ll totally freak out? I wonder how Britney herself is going to feel when her child-body becomes a woman-body? How the hell is someone, who has been trained to dislike her body for what it is manage when it’s suddenly not in her control (or her mother’s) control anymore. Such a sad story.
IVT – good question! Many women I have counselled with body image and eating disorder concerns have been able to pinpoint the time they got their period as being very difficult for them and not something they either understood greatly or wanted to happen. I think your comment is particularly potent given the waxing that is happening to poor Britney.
“I don’t want my daughter to be the only one without extra help”?! Seriously? I don’t know of other eight-year-olds getting botoxed or waxed. “To become a star”? Please. What if Britney wants to be a doctor or a teacher? I think this treatment is doing more than screwing with her self-image: it’s boxing her into a future she may not want.
Great point McKella. Who knows what Britney really has talent and aptitude for at this early stage in her life. It could be something entirely different to what her Mother wants for her.