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Positivity

In Celebration of Valentines Day – 14 Ways to Love Yourself More

Let’s get straight down to it…and spread the positive word that Valentines Day should be just as much about self love as it is romantic love…

1. Dress the way you want.  Don’t be too concerned with what’s currently doing the fashion rounds or what anyone says should and shouldn’t go together or is ‘right’ for your body.  If you love the way you look and feel in something then you’re dressing with love.

2. Give yourself a break.  If you are harder on yourself than anyone you know it’s totally time to give that up.  It’s not serving you or making you a better person.  Let’s move on shall we?

3. Treat yourself.  No money spent on you for something that brings a smile to your face and joy to your heart is ever wasted.  Go get it girl!

4. Get yourself a wee bit more organised; or even totally organised.  Might sound super boring but if you can manage to get yourself out from under that pile of paperwork/dishes/general gunk and stuff, you will have so much more creative and loving flow in your life.

5. Take stock.  Of your surroundings, relationships, commitments and influences as a whole.  Promise yourself that now is the time to only engage with people and things that fully serve you and help you be your best.  Gently let go of the rest.

6. Do something you love to do or even think you might love to do.  If you’ve always wanted to try yoga, web design, cake decorating or scuba diving show yourself some love by delving into your curiosity and doing it.  Life’s for living.

7. Recognise once and truly for pity’s sake end of the earth all time no holds barred freakin’ I’m really gonna get it this time…that you only get one body.  Love it.  Nurture it.  Be kind to it.  And stop obsessing.  Enjoy the ride beautiful you in the form you’ve been given. 

8. Throw away your scales.  Don’t waste a moment more concerned with a number.  Your life will be over before you know it and what you weighed will be utterly inconsequential.

9. Sleep.  Seriously.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed and frazzled find some time to just lie down and rest.  Fall asleep for as long as you need to so your body can recharge.  Sometimes it’s the most simple but loving thing you can do to ‘reset.’

10. Ask for what you want.  Really want.  At work.  In bed.  From your Mother.  Of yourself.  Prepare yourself for getting it.

11. Show yourself the kindness you show others.  If it’s good for them honey – it sure is good for you too.  Buy yourself flowers.  Write a lovely note encouraging you and tuck it away ready to read again on your birthday.  Talk positively to yourself.

12. Enough with the comparisons.  While your comparing your bank balance, body, wardrobe, children’s abilities or entire life to someone else worrying yourself inside out your life is not as ‘good’ as theirs is – they’re living it.  You can’t have their body or children or life.  You’ve got something better – yours.  There’s nothing to compare.  She’s incomparable.  You’re incomparable.  Love and leave.  Then live.

13. Eat what you want.  Yeah that.  Drop the deprivation, diets and unmet desires for food you want to have but for a myriad of punishing reasons tell yourself you shouldn’t or can’t have.  Have faith in your body by giving it what it tells you it wants in a mindful, calm, loving way.  And goddamn it – enjoy it.

14. Start something.  That dream or goal or wish or want that’s been tucked in the back of your head and heart for months or even years now?  Get it out of your head and onto paper, a vision board, into a conversation and your life.  Show yourself true love by following through with what’s tugging at your heart instead of just thinking about it.

Happy Valentines Day Beautiful You. 

Tagged as: Body Image, Body Love, Comparisons, Creativity, Curiosity, Deprivation, Diets, Dreams, Fashion, Food, Goals, Kindness, Life, Living, Love, Mindful Eating, Organisation, Overwhelm, Positive Thinking, Positivity, Self Love, Sleep, Valentines Day, Weight

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Business Success Lives in Your Heart and Mind

When you run a business or even a blog that you would love more readers for, your mindset to that undertaking plays a huge part in its success.  When I say huge…I mean it.  Huge.

You can have a chic brand or header, beautiful imagery, incredible products and a kick ass business plan but if you don’t believe in what you are doing and back that up with your actions – you will fold.

Harsh?  No.  Just a truth delivery designed to get you not only thinking about, but knowing, that your mindset and attitude is the cornerstone and foundation to your success.

And the links between your positive, negative, fearful, flying or anything in between mindset translate directly into what you do or don’t do in your business.  When you fully back your business or blog you back yourself.  You carry it with you everywhere because you know that your next client, customer or reader could be just around the corner, just waiting for you and what you can do for them.

Women in business who truly believe in what they do have an outstandingly positive mindset and belief which can be seen in actions like the following…

They carry their business cards with them everywhere knowing that the one time they don’t have them will be the one time someone needs that card – and them.  

They speak openly and with passion whenever anyone asks what they do or what on earth blogging is.

They take every opportunity they can to talk to people about their enterprise knowing that what they do and have is absolutely something that many, many people may want or need.

They focus on doing what needs to be done to make their business the best it can be for them and not spend too much time consumed with what their competition is doing.

They aren’t afraid of selling or self promotion and they do it in a way that is righteously respectful.  They know if they don’t sell and self promote they won’t sell anything.  No sales or self promotion = bye bye.

So beautiful you….if you are truly wanting to take your blog and/or business to the next level or wondering why things may not be moving in the direction you hoped for; it’s time to get really honest with yourself.  Are you actually afraid of success?  What’s holding you back from promoting your products?  What’s the real reason all your family and friends don’t know about your business dream?  Are you being your own best business friend?

Take the time to truly reflect and spend some loving time with yourself.  The issue or barrier you are facing may not be that you need a fancy new logo.  It may be something much closer to home.  And that’s a good thing beautiful.  A very good thing.  Because all the power and control is in your hands to positively change it.  And you totally can.

Tagged as: Attitude, Blog, Blogging, Business, Clients, Customers, Entrepreneurship, Positivity, Self Belief, True Work

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Love From Eve Interview and Giveaway

When you are passionate about something it’s amazing how that passion can flow into other areas of what you do, think and believe.  My passion for all things body image, inspirational and real beauty has seen me heavily question the standard cosmetic industry in the past few years – especially with all the photoshopped advertising and promise of baby smooth skin!  As I have been trying to encouraging people to recognise and believe in their natural beauty, I have also developed an interest in more natural beauty products that don’t contain chemical and manufactured nasties.  The two concepts fit so well to me and to that end I’m delighted to present this interview with the Founder and Director of Love From Eve, Adele Monelli, AND give you a little giveaway as well.  Read on for Adele’s amazing information about chemical free beauty and your chance to win a skin care gift pack from Kosmea.

Hi Adele.  Tell us about Love From Eve.   ‘Love from Eve’ provides the latest updates and reviews of  natural and organic skin care.  It’s a helpful guide to achieving glowing skin and being beautiful…in every way.  I’ve always had a strong interest in things that are good for your mind, body, soul and our environment, and thought  it would be great to share this passion and help educate others on how we can lead healthier and happier lives. 

People are starting to realise that we don’t know enough about the long-term effects of products loaded with chemicals and are starting to change their mindset to seek out a healthier alternative.  Our skin is just as important as all of the other organs in our bodies!  I’m currently in the process of seeking out some amazing Australian and international natural and organic skin care and beauty products which I will be selling once we launch our online store.  Exciting times ahead! 

Do you think that most people realise the general toxicity of the regular beauty products they use?  I think that there is a large majority that don’t realise the harm that some chemical ingredients can do.  There are  alarming reports on certain ingredients that have been scientifically proven to have adverse affects on our bodies and countries that have banned particular ingredients because of their toxicity levels.  I believe in years to come we will only find out more about the harmful effects of what is in our every day beauty and skin care products, which is why we should be so careful now.

One of the things I find is that sometimes it is hard to really know if something is truly organic/green/non-chemical.  What are the best ways to find out?  The great news is that we now have resources that we can use to find out the ‘truth’ behind the ingredients in products.  There are so many products that are not what they claim to be, we need to be so careful.  Just because something is labelled ‘natural’ doesn’t mean the ingredients are naturally derived!  And unfortunately there are no proper regulations around this within the beauty industry.  I always check ingredients on my products and make sure I understand what each of them are and where they come from.  The Skin Deep Cosmetics Database is a great tool to use, but you can also just ‘Google’ your ingredient name and find out whether it is naturally derived.  I have just posted a blog about how to know whether a product really is ‘organic’, which I hope sheds some light on how to really tell the difference.

Why do you think so many people are becoming increasingly interested in chemical free beauty?  Do you think that part of the reason may be related to them being ‘over’ highly glossed, idealised, photo-shopped forms of beauty we see all the time?  Absolutely. I think we are moving into a space where we want genuine, honest and natural beauty.  We are starting to question idealised forms of beauty and have a desire to be more natural.  It’s such a lovely feeling to know that what you are putting on your skin is actually doing you the world of good.  It’s even better when you realise that the results are even better than those you used to get from products loaded with chemicals.  

Finally Adele – please share your best beauty tips with us!  Beauty starts from within, always try to maintain a healthy diet rich in omega-3, vitamin C and anti-oxidants - Find time in the day for some ‘you’ time.  Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day - Get some exercise in every day, it doesn’t have to be a full-blown work-out.  You always feel better after some exercise no matter how you were feeling to begin with - Try to focus on things that are positive and self-fulfilling - Don’t forget to smile, so easy and can have such a positive effect on you and make someone else’s day.

Thank you Adele!  I love everything you are doing at Love From Eve and at the Love From Eve Facebook page too.  For those of you who would love to win some chemical free beauty products I have a gorgeous trio of travel size goodies from Kosmea to give away.  There is a Daily Facial Exfoliant, Purifying Cream Cleanser and SPF30+ Moisturing Lotion.  Entry is available to all Beautiful You Members.  If you are not a member it’s totally free to join – so hop on over!  All you need to do to win is leave me a comment below telling me what your best beauty tip is by November 10th.  A cinch!

Tagged as: Adele Monelli, Beautiful You Interview, Beauty Industry, Body Image, Chemical Free Products, Cosmetic Industry, Exercise, Giveaways, Inner Beauty, Inspiration, Kosmea, Love From Eve, Organic, Photoshop, Positivity, Real Beauty, Self Care, Skin Deep Cosmetics Database, Smile

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The Butterfly Effect Positive Esteem App

Every now and again I come across something very special that I feel deserving to share with you all.  I am blessed that many people email and even post me great things, but not all of them I consider worthy to take up a whole post here at Beautiful You.  In the past week I came across something I wanted to share with you all – not just for yourselves but for those of you who have daughters too.  

Enlighten Education has released a new app called ‘The Butterfly Effect’ and if you, or a girl or woman you love, has an iphone – I want you to do yourself a favour and download it.  Now.  It’s free.  FREE! 

The app encourages and empowers girls by providing daily quotes, self-affirming messages and information web links.  CEO of Enlighten Education Dannielle Miller has said of the app - “It is a much needed alternative to the messages girls receive daily that would have them believe their worth is based on their looks, and that ’girl power’ is defined by their ability to raunch it up.”  I so admire Danielle for being on the cutting edge of reaching out to girls in ways that are meaningful and fun for them and this is certainly a great way to do it.

We cannot stop the march of technology in our lives or in our children’s lives.  We can bury our heads in the sand about social media, online bullying  and suspect websites, but it’s not going to make them go away or be any safer or more of a positive influence on young ones we love.  All we can do is support, monitor, guide, provide positive example and grasp hold of wonderful things like this app to ensure the ‘right’ messages are getting through loud and clear.

This is a wonderful app to encourage a girl who is important to you download, but can I also say now that I have been enjoying it myself for a few days, it’s absolutely worthy of any adult having as well.  It’s positive, beautiful and inspirational.  What more could you ask for?  And for free.

Nothing. 

Tagged as: Affirmations, App, Beauty, Bullying, Danielle Miller, Encouragement, Enlighten Education, Girls, Inspirations, Iphone, Positivity, Quotes, Technology, The Butterfly Effect

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Guest Post: Finding Your Happy Place

I love it when readers contact me saying they are a fan of Beautiful You and would like to write a guest post.  It’s always something I’m open to so if you are like our guest writer today, Molly Borter, and have a yearning to see your name here please let me know!  I love today’s guest post by Molly who is a lover of fashion, beauty, writing, the outdoors, advice-giving, and feeling fabulous.  Molly is as an Internet Marketing Specialist from Indianapolis, where she helps people of all ages accessorize with the perfect sunglasses, handbags, and scarves.  I think you’ll love Molly’s positive attitude and tips to finding your happy place in life.

In grade school, I was given an assignment to make a collage of my “happy place.”  This place was to contain all the things I adored, that I could look at when I was feeling sad, fearful, or defeated.  I grabbed a pair of scissors and magazines, and snipped and glued my life’s happiness—including a snow cone, my family, and a trampoline—onto construction paper.

Since then, I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  At the age of 22, I’ve overcome the little things, like the pang in my stomach when I see models in a swimsuit catalogue, and the big things, like the loss of a parent.  Everyone’s situations are different, but no matter what you have the right to overcome and move on.  You have the right to be the best and most Beautiful You you can be.  You have the right to have your very own grown-up happy place.  Here are just a few items floating around in mine:

Spend Time with Family

There’s one thing that makes it into my happy place: my family.  They know me and can tell when I need a pick-me-up.  Although they’re crazy at times they make me feel like a million bucks.  Surrounding yourself with positive people that love you and think you are beautiful, successful, and intelligent no matter what, is a first step to feeling good about yourself.

Wear Accessories and Makeup

Wearing accessories and makeup gives me a little hop in my step.  I’m by no means advocating for you to buy happiness, but whenever I get into the car after a hard work day, I put on my oversized sunglasses and feel like I’m channeling my inner diva.  On a night out, I swipe on hot pink lipstick, and I feel irresistibly beautiful. 

Let Natural Beauty Shine

When I really want to feel good about myself, I emphasize my best features.  When I see models I don’t dwell on looking exactly like them.  I try to love my body even more.  It’s about playing up what you have and being thankful for the long legs, strong arms, or beautiful eyes you were born with.  When you feel good about what you’re working with, your positive personality and inner beauty will shine through.

Spend Time Outdoors

Spending time outdoors doesn’t have to mean a full-on camping trip.  Go on a walk after dinner, read a book on your back patio, or just lay in the grass and listen to and observe the beauty around you.  I sometimes use my outdoor moments as a time to reflect by writing down lists of “to-do’s” or why my day was so great.

Eat Well and Sweat it Out

I feel better and more positive when I’m eating well because I have more energy.  By eating well I’m not talking about diets; I’m talking about eating in a way that works best for your body.  Life isn’t about dieting, it’s about a healthy lifestyle.  I also use my meals and physical activity as time to connect with people such as casual bike rides with my boyfriend, kickboxing DVDs with my sister, and racing my nieces around the yard.  Invite the fresh air in, savor the wind, and praise the sweat dripping down your neck from a hard workout, because each time you finish know that you are that much more of a healthy, strong person.

Savor “Me” Time

I read magazines and books, buy myself flowers, give myself a manicure and pedicure, drive around with the windows down and listen to my favorite music, and sit on the couch on a rainy Saturday and watch a movie.  Time to yourself is about doing things because you feel like it and letting yourself slip away from all the “have to’s” and turning them into “want to’s.”

Stay Hopeful

The wise words of my mother always stick with me: “The best is yet to be.”  In times when I’m feeling less than confident, or really sad, I think about this quote.  It’s the doubt inside of us all, made by the self-esteem breakers floating around us constantly, that I channel this phrase to.  During hard situations, I always tell myself that worse things could’ve happened and I’m thankful that they didn’t.  Feeling good is about firmly believing things will get better. 

 I have long surpassed my snow cone-eating, trampoline-bouncing happy place in return for a more mature one: a mental list of places, activities, things, and people that help me feel good, beautiful, and blessed.  This time around, my happy place isn’t confined to the parameters of a piece of paper.  It can be added to and altered, shaped and shifted, because grown-up happy places are meant to be never-ending.

Beautiful You; cheers to choosing your happiness, because as my mother would say, “The best is yet to be.”

Tagged as: Accessories, Body Love, Confidence, Diets, Exercise, Family, Guest Post, Happiness, Health, Hope, Inner Beauty, Inspiration, Makeup, Mindful Eating, Models, Molly Borter, Positivity, Real Beauty, Self Care, Self Esteem

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Book Review: The Self Compassion Diet by Jean Fain

                                                                                         As a counsellor that specialises in working with people experiencing body image, eating disorder and weight concerns, I am always on the look out for self care resources to recommend to my clients.  I believe that counselling with a professional can be enhanced immeasurably with extra reading, activities and exercises and after reading ‘The Self Compassion Diet’ by Jean Fain I’m pleased to have found something else to recommend.

I have never recommended someone follow a particular diet.  The reason why is simple.  It wouldn’t be ethical for me to do so because research tells us they unequivocally do not work in the long term, and in fact, for many people, are incredibly dangerous and can have significant negative impact on their mental and physical health.  Diets don’t work.  They just don’t, but unfortunately they continued to be aggressively marketed by weight loss companies and so called diet guru’s as the answer to anyone’s weight loss prayers.  None ever tell the full story, only the advertising and marketed one, and I would hope if you have been a reader of Beautiful You for some time now, you will know that such marketing and advertising does not have your best interests or the truth at it’s heart.  It’s all about profits and having you contribute to them.

I’m making an exception with The Self Compassion Diet however as it prescribes the steady cultivation and consumption of self compassion and self love rather than prescriptions of what you should and shouldn’t eat, why you have no willpower, how to measure food and how to punish yourself with deprivation.  Such is the basis of so many traditional diets, but The Self Compassion Diet instead shows its readers who may not be comfortable, happy or balanced in their relationship with food and their body, a different way.  As Jean says  

“Most dieters try to ‘kill cravings’ and break habits with self discipline but only self kindness can help quiet the shame that traditional diets instill and establish a harmonious relationship with food.” 

Jean’s approach to developing self compassion and love as a way to heal a negative relationship with food is soundly supported by a growing body of research which she details in the book.

The Self Compassion Diet is filled with positive and helpful ways to bring more self love and compassion into your life in direct relation to how you may be relating to food and doing things such as emotional and binge eating.  Like I do, Jean believes that kindness and emotional healing is the missing ingredient in all traditional diets – not discipline or will power.  She provides quizzes, exercises and examples on how to cultivate the four main areas she considers to be most powerful in addressing weight and diet issues which are self love, mindfulness (including mindful eating), self-hypnosis to develop more positive self talk and support.  All are focused, gentle and supportive, never blaming, over promising or quick fix in outlook.  I truly believe if everyone was to cultivate the type of self compassion and self love Jean recommends we would not have the epidemic of disordered eating in the Western world we currently do.  I think it highly likely we would all be much happier and more at peace with ourselves in a general sense, not just in how we relate to food and our bodies.

If I had one criticism of the book it would be it’s use of the words ‘thinspiration’ and ‘thinspired.’  They are directly related to eating disorders, in promoting it as a lifestyle choice rather than a devastating mental illness, as this definition clearly states.  Rather than talking about weight loss in terms of becoming thin or that being someone’s chief motivating factor in adressing concerns they may have with food, I think it much more fitting of the book to espouse that learning to love yourself, cultivate self compassion and learning to eat mindfully and peacefully is the ultimate destination in itself.  If that happens to come with weight loss and was something someone desired without harm to themselves – well and good. 

When we really learn to listen to and love our bodies however, it may actually come with weight gain, or no loss of weight at all, rather the much more important loss of self hate and loathing.  We all have a set weight where our body feels at it’s most comfortable, healthy and beautiful and I truly believe this is best achieved by practising care and love for ourselves the way The Self Compassion Diet promotes.  It does not however mean that this set weight will mean we will all be thin.  What it should mean instead is that we are happy, enjoying a balanced relationship with food and a loving relationship with our body – no matter what our size.

The Self Compassion Diet is a must read for anyone who is currently in a battle with food, their body or even themselves.  It is perfect for any long term dieter that has had their heart and will broken over and over again by empty diet promises that do nothing to promote the self love and compassion most desperately need to be happy and content with their body.  I will leave you with the lovely Jean Fain with her own words on The Self Compassion Diet which I hope becomes the best selling “diet” book of 2011!

Tagged as: Advertising, Balance, Binge Eating, Body Image, Book Review, Compassion, Counselling, Counsellor, Diet, Diets, Disordered Eating, Eating Disorders, Emotional Eating, Food, Happiness, Health, Jean Fain, Kindness, Lifestyle, Marketing, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mindful Eating, Mindfulness, Peace, Positivity, Self Compassion Diet, Self Hate, Self Love, Self Talk, Support, Thinspiration, Weight, Weight Loss, Weight Loss Companies

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