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Media

This post is inspired by the latest promotional ads for the 2012 Biggest Loser which are trying to sell you, me and the world the concept that for any person to be deserving of love – ‘ready for love’ – they must lose weight and be thin.  They’re wrong.  You can love yourself and be loved at any size.  Any.

 Image: The Examiner

Listen Up Beautiful You 

I’ve got something to say.

It’s important and I need you to read it, hear it and let it morph into your soul.  Really, really, morph.

You are beautiful and divine just as you are.

You do not need to take up less space in this world.  Your fat, curvaceous, tall, big, broad, voluptuous, curvy, adipose, magnificent self can take up all the space you deem you so require.

What shape or size you are has nothing to do with how lovable you are.

To be ready for any form of love you want or need you do not need to diet or whittle yourself away.

The love you are and the love you are attracting or not attracting in your life is not related to your shape or size.  It’s all what’s happening in the space between your ears.  Truth.  Own it and work on it if you need to.  Do it for you.  Beautiful You.

Don’t let anyone or anything attempt to convince you that you will never meet the man or woman of your dreams unless you meet a strict media driven requirement of being thin, perky, shiny and thin.

Get ready to move on if you think for one moment that there are not people out there having mind blowing, outrageously good and hot physical intimacy and sex.  They are.  They really, really are.

Untangle yourself from any notion, noggin, thought or entire belief system that the reason you aren’t lovable or beautiful or attractive or sexy or desirable is because of your shape or size.  I don’t need to see you to know this.

Move on gorgeous one.  Move on from any thought or any belief that you have to be smaller, thinner, less than you are right now to feel and know and have the love you deserve.  Give that love to yourself and watch others illuminate from your example.

Give that love to yourself and see a world of love open up to you.

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For all of who who spend quite a bit of time online or doing online reading – todays giveaway is a real treat.  I have two gorgeous ebooks and an e-course, all of them filled with hope, meaning and challenges for you to grow and be inspired.  The first ebook is ‘The Butterfly Messenger’ by Reiki Master Louise Gullo-Mendolia, who kindly answered some questions in a mini-interview for me.

Tell us about yourself Louise and why you wrote The Butterfly Messenger?  The Butterfly Messenger emerged during my most challenging times.  I was an unwell recluse that had pent up emotions bubbling inside me with no escape.  During this time, I felt compelled to start writing a journal as a way of expressing thoughts and feelings.  It puzzled me how I could be so creative when I was so unwell but it opened my awareness to the power behind listening to your intuition and taking action on its guidance.  

During this time, I also went through a life changing experience, which deeply altered my perception, in a positive way, and propelled me to actively begin healing.  I also started journalling more, and as I continued to heal, my writing gradually started to change and evolve.  I can only describe the writing as bursts of inspiration where I would drop everything and start writing whatever came to me.  It flowed effortlessly and the more I learnt to surrender and trust the process, the more I was able to enjoy the experience.  The Butterfly Messenger e-book shares with readers the inspiration and wisdom that can be found when we surrender to our own unique journey and work through our fears, pain and struggles.

What do you most hope that people will get out of reading The Butterfly Messenger?  My hope is that it moves and inspires people in some way.  Whether it encourages people to talk about or seek help with their own challenges, or gets them to follow through with a creative idea, or simply gives them hope that things can and will get better.  

Combined with Louise’s inspirational ebook is The Gratitude Garland™ Workshop from Spirited Lady Living.  The workshop is an art journal class for cultivating creative gratitude through the making of a ”Gratitude Garland™” using 30 decorated strips of paper.  Each strip is created as a miniature art journal of gratitude, one per day for 30 days.  It’s simple enough for anyone to

do and at the end  you’ll have a beautiful garland to use as a decoration or give as a special gratitude gift.  In addition to 30 days of thought provoking prompts to inspire your garland-making via email, you’ll also receive a workbook with over 150 “ThanksClippings”, which are fantastic images, organised by theme, pre-sized and ready to print out and cut and paste onto your daily slips.  Spirited Lady Living has been created by Maisen Mosley and is her dream to help people deal with peer and media pressure to be perfect.  Her site is a safe place to find support, resources, guides and coaching.

Lastly I’m pleased to offer a copy of mine and Emma Kate Codrington’s ebook ‘Be Yourself, Be Beautiful’ filled with 30 individually illustrated self love quotes.  Each can be printed and laminated as a constant source of inspiration for you or is a beautiful gift to give to someone you love.

Day Eight Giveaway Guidelines

1. Entry is open worldwide! 

2. To be eligible to enter please be a Beautiful You Newsletter Subscriber.  It’s free to join in the ‘Fill Your Inbox With Beauty’ section in the sidebar and you will receive special news, discounts and goodies via email. 

3. Leave a comment below telling me about your biggest strength.

4. All entries to please be in by 5pm December 13th after which the winner will be drawn at random and notified by email.

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I try to steer clear of too much media relating to celebrities.  Something tells me if you read Beautiful You you’re most likely the same, even though it can be hard to avoid.  It’s online, on TV, in print and advertising – nearly everywhere.  The reporting at times can be cruel and filled with lies, which is just not my cup of tea.  Or coffee for that matter.  Then of course there are the constant stories about weight gain, weight loss, who wore what right or wrong or best or worst – and the list goes on.

I did come across an online compilation of celebrity quotes that I loved this week though, and I thought them worthy of sharing.  So often I think we forget that a lot of the reporting that takes place about well known people and their bodies and appearance does not actually involve a direct quote from them.  There’s lots of opinion, lots of comment, lots of ’a friend of Angelina’s’ going on – but not a lot of direct quotes.  That’s why when I came across this story titled ‘Celebrity Body Image Quotes That Inspire’ my interest was peaked to read more about what they directly had to say.  A lot of what they had to say was great!

Like this from Gabourey Sidibe: “One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body. I got tired of hating myself.”  Perfection.  I got tired of hating myself.  Such a simple, but incredibly powerful statement.  It makes me wonder how many more thousands or even millions of women the world over are harbouring hateful feelings towards their bodies and when will be the time they will make the decision their ‘over it’ and want to stop.  I hope soon.  Very soon. 

Or this one from Drew Barrymore: My limbs work, so I’m not going to  complain about the way my body is shaped.”  Amen.  Amen!  If only we all concentrated more gratitude on all the amazing things our bodies can DO for us, rather than what they LOOK like, I think we would revolutionise body image as a concept.  There would be a lot more love and a lot less angst.  I’m sure of it.

And the gorgeous Jamie-Lee Curtis: “The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people.”  There’s so much power and energy in that.  It’s all about – ‘I’m me!  I’m ok!  I don’t need to compare, measure against, or think I need to be like anyone else.’  Love it.    

So, every now and again there is some good celebrity reporting happening that makes my heart smile just a little bit.  I’m still not interested in many things about their life the media may think I am, but quotes and compiliations like this get a tick from me.  What about you Beautiful You?  What body image mantra, quote, saying or attitude are you loving right now?

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The worlds oldest woman died recently.  Here she is -  Maria Gomes Valentim.  I mean, how beautiful, beautiful, beautiful is she?  Just adorable.  Maria died aged 114, just a few weeks shy of her 115th birthday.  How extraordinary.

Maria’s passing has made me think a lot this week about things such as ageing, beauty, time and living.  Not small things to think about and I have no definitive insights on any of them, other than what I personally believe myself and have spoken about many times here at Beautiful You.  Things such as beauty exists in all of us – time is promised to no one – living and not existing is a right for us all. 

Whenever I have thought about ageing this week however I keep thinking of the saying “ageing gracefully.”  It sounds so lovely in many ways.  It conjours up images and thoughts to me of quiet grace, duty, fulfillment and reserved beauty.  But is that really what ageing should be all about?  Is it really necessary as we age to have to quietly dispose of grey hairs, lather creams to erase wrinkles and be a ‘sweet little old lady?’  I am sure that most people don’t think that, but is the alternative to try and deny ageing through means such as cosmetic surgery or lying about our age?

We don’t honour ageing as much as we should which is evident in the pervasive messages that the world of media, advertising and pop culture send us all the time.  There are constant references to ‘turning back the clock’, slowing the ageing ‘process’, and of older women in professions where their appearance is seen as being important, (eg. journalism, acting, modelling), constantly being overlooked or even replaced by younger women.  At the core of it all seems to be the message that instead of embracing visual signs we are getting older, we must be rid of them.

This is such a shame as I fear it translates into us either thinking, wanting or just forgetting that older people are incredibly beautiful, vibrant and alive too.  How many times do we hear of stories where an older person has said they feel invisible or unwanted?  This is of course a very personal concern but I can’t help but think that we so rarely see elderly people on television, in advertising or as the stars of movies that it’s understandable they may feel as if society view them as attractive.  Well, I think they are attractive and the more of us that think so the more we will see our definition of beauty widen.  And that can only be a good thing. 

I’ll leave you today with a favourite quote of mine (author unknown) that I think is so fitting – but will probably call into question if I am going to age gracefully!

 “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other – body thoroughly used up and totally worn out, screaming: WOO HOO! What a ride!”

Crack the champage, polish the dance floor and put away the botox injections – I’m skidding into middle age and beyond screaming “WOO HOO!” 

What about you Beautiful You?

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The Universe was sending me a sign this week that I had to write this post with the simple premise that I wanted to let you, Beautiful You, know that it’s ok to wear whatever you want, whenever you want.  Now of course I don’t mean for you to do anything that is going to see you charged with public indecency (!), rather, I want to encourage you to feel liberated to wear what makes you feel amazing.  Where has this inspiration come from?

Well…they say things come in threes and they certainly came to me in this way with stories relating to former model Elle McPherson, reality television star Billie Faiers and and British X Factor judge Cheryl Cole.  All women in one way or another were written about in a way recently that questioned the appropriateness of what they were wearing.  It was not just a situation like the one recently where fashion writer Maggie Alderson criticised Vanessa Hudgens for her dress choice.  It was about calling into question the ‘appropriateness’ of the clothing and shoe choices of each of them for what they happened to be doing at that time.

Image: Fashion Fame

For Elle it was about wearing red leather pants while on her way to work via dropping her children off at school, for Billie it was about the supposed briefness of her exercise attire and for Cheryl it was about her shoe choice because according to the writer she had fat ankles or ‘cankles.’  (Just in case you’re not sure what the word cankles mean you might like to check out this post and my thoughts on it).  But never fear Cheryl.  The writer also thinks Miley Cyrus and Mischa Barton have cankles to concern themselves with too.  Le sigh. 

The Elle McPherson story comes across as nothing more than a jealous snipe; the sort of reporting that pits women against one another and prompts them to compare.  Formerly criticised for ‘dressing up’ too much for the school run, Elle has had to defend herself saying she drops her children off at school and then goes on to work.  Like millions of Mums around the world!  And really, if you can’t wear red leather pants to a job in the fashion industry – where can you wear them? 

For Billie the premise of the criticism aimed at her is simple.  Her Adidas workout gear is too skimpy.  But surely the idea behind doing anything that involves you sweating and moving your body in a strenuous way should prompt the wearing of as few clothes as you feel comfortable with?  I certainly know for me that I don’t like getting overheated when I exercise so I will wear the least amount possible. 

And Cheryl?  Well her ankles/cankles are so dire that the only thing suitable for her to wear is floor length gowns or anything that hides such an ambomination.  The cute minidress and wedges she has on?  How dare she.  (Insert sarcasm here).  Well to my mind, Elle and Cheryl look gorgeous and Billie looks like a young woman who enjoys exercising, taking care of herself and getting outdoors and living her life in an active and fantastic way.  What’s not to love about that?

Such criticism speaks to a larger issue we have where not just media outlets, fashion magazines and personal stylists offer up opinions, but so do supposedly well meaning Mothers, Aunts, sisters and friends as to what is ‘ok’ or ‘oh no not that’ for us to wear.  There are so many fashion and beauty ’rules’ that abound but I really call into question if they are nothing more than a way to constrict women and make them conform to cultural norms.  Who has heard of these beauties?

You can only wear a bikini if you’re thin

If you are over 50 you shouldn’t have long hair

Blue and green should never be seen

Plus size women shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes

Plus size women shouldn’t wear anything that is tight or too fitted

Small busted women should wear push up bras and cleavage enhancing blouses and tops

I could go on as I know there are many more, but I won’t.  They say that rules are meant to be broken and I think that especially the case here when we don’t even really get to set the rules.  Well here are some beautiful examples of women bucking fashion and beauty norms – the divine Gabi from Young, Fat and Fabulous rocking a hot pink bikini - the fashion writer here criticises the plus size blue and green maxi with horizontal stripes in this collection but I beg to differ and think the model looks gorgeous – and if this is how long hair (and grey to boot) over 50 looks; well I say bring it on. 

 Image: Seagull Hair

So Beautiful You, wear what you want when you want!  Life’s too short to be constricted by fashion rules and have anyone else but YOU decide what you want to wear when you’re exercising, working, in bed, at the beach or indeed anywhere else.  Life’s also too short to judge others for the same reason.  Let’s just all let one another be and then we really can feel free from judgement and critique.  I hazard a guess if we did we would see many more individual, unique and brilliant fashion statements out there because people would feel free and empowered to truly wear what they wanted.

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I’m delighted to present a guest post at Beautiful You today by Alexis Bonari.  Alexis has courageously recovered from an eating disorder and has an interesting story to share about how her studies at University helped her to do so.  I was thrilled when she contacted me and wanted to share her journey with you.  If you have recovered from an eating disorder or any other life circumstance and think your words could inspire and support others – please contact me!  You could be a guest poster at Beautiful You too.

I didn’t realize I had an eating disorder until I confessed one night to my college sweetheart; “Sometimes I make myself sick.”  I know—how do you not get what’s happening when you’re purging?  Sadly, people with eating disorders often can’t accept they’re sick.  They swear what they’re doing is okay.  That’s why I was as shocked as my boyfriend was at the confession.

Our campus therapist was a joke.  I was inches from leaving school and locking myself into a clinic until I attended the semester’s first class of Politics of Sex, a seminar for understanding genders, sexuality, and their roles in society.  Believe it or not, politics became my therapy. 

As the days passed, I devoured piles of history, philosophy, and sociology books.  I grew angry.  Very angry.  I grew angry because Aristotle called Woman the “impotent,” “mutilated” male.  I grew angry because countless passages in the Old and New Testaments and the Qur’an put women in lower positions than men.  I grew angry because Freud never concerned himself with the destiny of women.  I grew angry with every page I turned of Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex because it was like reading the diary of my younger, timid, self-deprecating self.  I grew angry because I learned that a man in an American mall demanded that The Body Shop take down its posters of Ruby, as in “Rubenesque,” even if the posters were part of a campaign to encourage women who didn’t look like supermodels to love their bodies.  I grew angry because if any living woman was shaped like Barbie—something children grow up idolizing—or a department store mannequin—something the industry expects us to view as a form of reference—she would die.  I grew angry because I read author Judith Williamson declare that “the desirable shape for a woman . . . is that of a boy.”  Google “model+Tula,” and you’ll see the typical model: “lean, tall, flat-tummied.”  Incidentally, Tula is also womb-less which explains the no-pooch belly.  She used to be Barry Cossey and then became a transgender model.  A man is a blueprint for women. 

I ended up writing my senior thesis on gender politics, the media, and their effect on eating disorders.  Analyzing the disorder as its own entity and not as my whole existence allowed me to move past it.  Reconciling the insecurity at the mere sight of a Maybelline ad or GAP store was more difficult, but knowing the history of gender politics helped.  It became easier to eat what my body wanted, no matter who was at the other end of the table criticizing my food choices, when I learned that I had been manipulated by the gender-prejudiced media.  It was easier to raise an eyebrow and say, “Screw you,” when I knew that I was doing right by my body.

Life is too short and our bodies are too awesome for us to be treating them so poorly.  Eat what your body wants only as much as your body wants it.  If you want cake in the morning, eat cake.  If you want a Capri salad instead of barbeque like everyone else, have Capri salad.  Our bodies know best.  We just have to learn to trust them again.

Alexis Bonari is a freelance writer and researcher for College Scholarships where recently she has been researching HIV scholarships and holistic medicine scholarships.  Whenever she gets some free time, she enjoys watching a funny movie or curling up with a good book.

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