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Diet

You Are Lovable at Any Size

This post is inspired by the latest promotional ads for the 2012 Biggest Loser which are trying to sell you, me and the world the concept that for any person to be deserving of love – ‘ready for love’ – they must lose weight and be thin.  They’re wrong.  You can love yourself and be loved at any size.  Any.

 Image: The Examiner

Listen Up Beautiful You 

I’ve got something to say.

It’s important and I need you to read it, hear it and let it morph into your soul.  Really, really, morph.

You are beautiful and divine just as you are.

You do not need to take up less space in this world.  Your fat, curvaceous, tall, big, broad, voluptuous, curvy, adipose, magnificent self can take up all the space you deem you so require.

What shape or size you are has nothing to do with how lovable you are.

To be ready for any form of love you want or need you do not need to diet or whittle yourself away.

The love you are and the love you are attracting or not attracting in your life is not related to your shape or size.  It’s all what’s happening in the space between your ears.  Truth.  Own it and work on it if you need to.  Do it for you.  Beautiful You.

Don’t let anyone or anything attempt to convince you that you will never meet the man or woman of your dreams unless you meet a strict media driven requirement of being thin, perky, shiny and thin.

Get ready to move on if you think for one moment that there are not people out there having mind blowing, outrageously good and hot physical intimacy and sex.  They are.  They really, really are.

Untangle yourself from any notion, noggin, thought or entire belief system that the reason you aren’t lovable or beautiful or attractive or sexy or desirable is because of your shape or size.  I don’t need to see you to know this.

Move on gorgeous one.  Move on from any thought or any belief that you have to be smaller, thinner, less than you are right now to feel and know and have the love you deserve.  Give that love to yourself and watch others illuminate from your example.

Give that love to yourself and see a world of love open up to you.

Tagged as: Diet, Fat Acceptance, Intimacy, Love, Media, Romantic Love, Self Love, Sex, Shape, Size, The Biggest Loser, Thin, Thin Ideal, Weight

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Kate Middleton’s Weight Should Not Be Media News

I guess you would have been rather sheltered to not know that Prince William and Kate Middleton are getting married this week.  The ‘Wedding of the Century’ as it is being called is certainly global news and what wonderful news it is when of late we have been burdened with so many natural disasters.  Nothing can take the pain of such experiences away except time and natural healing, but the magic of a grand wedding and the love that surrounds that is a lovely thing for the world to witness right now.

As with any wedding there is a great deal of focus on the beautiful bride to be.  She appears to me to be a lovely young woman who is much in love with her Prince, as, most importantly, considering his parents marriage, he is with her.  There’s nothing like love to make you look beautiful and indeed feel beautiful.  Like so many other brides, even those not about to become a Princess, I am sure Kate is feeling a giddy mix of excitement and nerves.  I guess one billion people watching you get married, let alone your family and friends like all the weddings I have been to, and the one I have been a bride in, will do that to you, apart from marrying the man of your dreams.

What makes Kate’s bridal plans so exceptional of course is the fact that the world right now is watching her every move.  Considering she is marrying into the most famous and well known Royal family in the world this is not surprising.  Even though some may disagree with it, the duties of the English Royal family are very entertwined with the British people and considering British tax payers are footing a considerable portion of the wedding bill it’s understandable people will be fascinated with her, him and the big day.

While very aware of this public fascination, the one thing I had hoped for Kate in the lead up to her wedding was that the scrutiny and commentary on her weight, diet and appearance (no links from me – they’re everywhere if you really want to seek them out), would not be both so prominent or in certain instances, so cruel.  Then again, should I really be surprised when outside of royal circles and in every day life we have television shows that get brides to be to compete for plastic surgery?  Such has become the intense pressure to be a hot, thin and perfect bride on nearly every woman getting married, it’s become a cultural phenonemon that is exceptionally hard to ignore and even resist.

How amazing it would have been if the world’s media (and in particular the British tabloids) had chosen not to comment on Kate in this way.  None of it is necessary.  I understand the fascination and the need for photo’s and footage of public appearances.  A discrete snap of having lunch out or shopping is possibly even ok.  Commentary on these appearances, the designers she is wearing, her royal duties and even future babies is all to be expected.  But snide comments on any weight loss or gain, sniping at her dress choice, criticism of the way she wears her hair?  None of it is necessary.  Have the paparazzi and media really learned their lesson from all those years ago when William’s Mother, Princess Diana, silently suffered with an eating disorder for many years, was persistently criticised for her dress choice and spending (despite now being considered a ‘style icon’) and eventually met her death while in a car chase, speeding away from paparazzi?  Seems not.

We all play a part in this and not just for the reporting about Kate, but indeed all celebrities and people in the public eye.  While people such as myself, and I know many of you, while bemoan this form of cruel and critical reporting, we have to take things further than just saying it’s not ok.  Why?  Because clearly there is a market for this type of media, even though I loathe it and wish there wasn’t.  We must send a message to editors, reporters, advertisers and wider media outlets that we simply aren’t interested in the best bikini body stories, the how quick a new Mum has lost her baby weight stories, the worst dressed list stories and the ongoing scrutiny of the weight, diet and shape of people such as Kate Middleton.

How do we do it?  It’s easier than you may think.  Don’t buy magazines that have this sort of reporting as their fodder.  Avoid publications and sites that use paparazzi taken intrusive photographs of what should be private moments.  Do not click on ads at internet sites that earn their living out of making fun out of belittling people and driving a thin culture.  Do not frequent celebrity and gossip blogs that feed off body shaming media.

And beyond this?  Talk openly with children and young people about how someone’s weight, size and shape is no one’s business but their own.  Create a family and friendship culture that is accepting of differences.  Teach children to stand up for themselves and others when they are being teased about their appearance.  Honour ourselves as human beings whose value is so much more than what we look like.

Then we will begin to see a lack of interest in such media reporting which in turn will force publications and outlets to think very quickly about what they are feeding us and the fact we are turning away.  Only then can we hope to have any impact on ensuring the apallingly cruel weight, body shame and appearance focused stories that abound, cease.

While I wish for this and have refused to comment to media outlets who have been asking me to pass comment on Kate’s weight for the past month, I can only wish her and her Prince all the very best.  According to a news report I have seen on TV today, William has supposedly asked the Queen that Kate not be expected to undertake a heavy load of royal engagements for at least two years so he can help her ease into a Royal and very public life.  Sounds like a very smart idea to me and indeed, the perfect amount of time for the media circus to start giving us stories that are more balanced, positive and uplifting.

Tagged as: Beauty, Brides, Celebrities, Cosmetic Surgery, Diet, Eating Disorders, Kate Middleton, Media, Paparazzi, Prince William, Princess Diana, Reality TV, Royal Family, Thin Cultu, Wedding, Weight

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Donna Hay ‘Drops’ Dress Sizes

The headlines screamed ‘How Donna Hay Dropped Three Dress Sizes’ together with a full length photo from the front page of the weekend newspaper.  The full colour story on one of Australia’s most well known chef’s, Donna Hay, could hardly have been missed.  I turned to the story afraid I was going to find details of a strict and dangerous diet but found….none.  The headline didn’t live up to what it said it was going to be – ie. HOW she lost weight, and I for one was pleased.

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It still doesn’t negate the fact that we have such stories making the front page of our major newspapers when we have countries in the world in diplomatic crisis, debate over the price of carbon and our environmental future, and concerns over just what are our crime statistics?  Are we really that fixated on learning about the weight loss and ‘body transformation’ stories of others?

In reading the story in full, I have to say that I actually quite like a number of things Donna said.  After spending twelve painful days in hospital with excruciating back pain, Doctors advised Donna she would need surgery which could be delayed if she strengthened her body.  Beginning a walking and then running regime – in other words – incorporating exercise into her life where previously there was none – saw Donna lose weight…“I’ve recovered really well, but it’s made me more mindful about how I treat my body.  I don’t lean over a set all day, and I swim as well as run, because varied exercise strengthens my back.”  I also greatly admire that Donna refused to state the details of how she lost the weight beyond increasing her exercise as she did not want to set up unrealistic expectations.  While a little sad to hear with people now telling her she looks so good, (making her wonder how ‘bad’ she looked before), I appreciate that she has steered this story in a direction that means she has been talking more about the functioning of her body rather than the way it looks.  We live in such an appearance obsessed world that sometimes I think we forget our bodies do amazing things – it’s not all about what they look like!

Now if we can only get the media to accurately report such stories it may help everyone.  Instead of screaming about ‘how to’s’ and ‘weight loss’ why not instead herald health stories, balance stories and personal achievements not just in body, but mind, spirit, giving and community as well.

What are your thoughts Beautiful You?  Are you over all of these transformational body stories?  Sick of weight loss headlines?  At the point where they just pass you by?   

Tagged as: Diet, Donna Hay, Exercise, Health, Media, Weight, Weight Loss

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Book Review: The Self Compassion Diet by Jean Fain

                                                                                         As a counsellor that specialises in working with people experiencing body image, eating disorder and weight concerns, I am always on the look out for self care resources to recommend to my clients.  I believe that counselling with a professional can be enhanced immeasurably with extra reading, activities and exercises and after reading ‘The Self Compassion Diet’ by Jean Fain I’m pleased to have found something else to recommend.

I have never recommended someone follow a particular diet.  The reason why is simple.  It wouldn’t be ethical for me to do so because research tells us they unequivocally do not work in the long term, and in fact, for many people, are incredibly dangerous and can have significant negative impact on their mental and physical health.  Diets don’t work.  They just don’t, but unfortunately they continued to be aggressively marketed by weight loss companies and so called diet guru’s as the answer to anyone’s weight loss prayers.  None ever tell the full story, only the advertising and marketed one, and I would hope if you have been a reader of Beautiful You for some time now, you will know that such marketing and advertising does not have your best interests or the truth at it’s heart.  It’s all about profits and having you contribute to them.

I’m making an exception with The Self Compassion Diet however as it prescribes the steady cultivation and consumption of self compassion and self love rather than prescriptions of what you should and shouldn’t eat, why you have no willpower, how to measure food and how to punish yourself with deprivation.  Such is the basis of so many traditional diets, but The Self Compassion Diet instead shows its readers who may not be comfortable, happy or balanced in their relationship with food and their body, a different way.  As Jean says  

“Most dieters try to ‘kill cravings’ and break habits with self discipline but only self kindness can help quiet the shame that traditional diets instill and establish a harmonious relationship with food.” 

Jean’s approach to developing self compassion and love as a way to heal a negative relationship with food is soundly supported by a growing body of research which she details in the book.

The Self Compassion Diet is filled with positive and helpful ways to bring more self love and compassion into your life in direct relation to how you may be relating to food and doing things such as emotional and binge eating.  Like I do, Jean believes that kindness and emotional healing is the missing ingredient in all traditional diets – not discipline or will power.  She provides quizzes, exercises and examples on how to cultivate the four main areas she considers to be most powerful in addressing weight and diet issues which are self love, mindfulness (including mindful eating), self-hypnosis to develop more positive self talk and support.  All are focused, gentle and supportive, never blaming, over promising or quick fix in outlook.  I truly believe if everyone was to cultivate the type of self compassion and self love Jean recommends we would not have the epidemic of disordered eating in the Western world we currently do.  I think it highly likely we would all be much happier and more at peace with ourselves in a general sense, not just in how we relate to food and our bodies.

If I had one criticism of the book it would be it’s use of the words ‘thinspiration’ and ‘thinspired.’  They are directly related to eating disorders, in promoting it as a lifestyle choice rather than a devastating mental illness, as this definition clearly states.  Rather than talking about weight loss in terms of becoming thin or that being someone’s chief motivating factor in adressing concerns they may have with food, I think it much more fitting of the book to espouse that learning to love yourself, cultivate self compassion and learning to eat mindfully and peacefully is the ultimate destination in itself.  If that happens to come with weight loss and was something someone desired without harm to themselves – well and good. 

When we really learn to listen to and love our bodies however, it may actually come with weight gain, or no loss of weight at all, rather the much more important loss of self hate and loathing.  We all have a set weight where our body feels at it’s most comfortable, healthy and beautiful and I truly believe this is best achieved by practising care and love for ourselves the way The Self Compassion Diet promotes.  It does not however mean that this set weight will mean we will all be thin.  What it should mean instead is that we are happy, enjoying a balanced relationship with food and a loving relationship with our body – no matter what our size.

The Self Compassion Diet is a must read for anyone who is currently in a battle with food, their body or even themselves.  It is perfect for any long term dieter that has had their heart and will broken over and over again by empty diet promises that do nothing to promote the self love and compassion most desperately need to be happy and content with their body.  I will leave you with the lovely Jean Fain with her own words on The Self Compassion Diet which I hope becomes the best selling “diet” book of 2011!

Tagged as: Advertising, Balance, Binge Eating, Body Image, Book Review, Compassion, Counselling, Counsellor, Diet, Diets, Disordered Eating, Eating Disorders, Emotional Eating, Food, Happiness, Health, Jean Fain, Kindness, Lifestyle, Marketing, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Mindful Eating, Mindfulness, Peace, Positivity, Self Compassion Diet, Self Hate, Self Love, Self Talk, Support, Thinspiration, Weight, Weight Loss, Weight Loss Companies

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Clare Bowditch and Deborah Mailman Speak of Body Pressures

I think it can be very easy to assume that glamorous singers and television stars don’t experience the same sort of self esteem or body image concerns that the rest of us may.  We are fed a constant media stream of what life is supposedly like for famous people revolving around red carpets, amazing soirees, designer clothes and looking beyond beautiful.  While there is no doubt that such things sound glamorous and the supposed stuff that dreams are made of, it is a mistake to think that this lifestyle or even ‘moments of lifestyle’ also then come with bullet proof body confidence. 


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Incredible Aussie songstress Clare Bowditch has revealed she struggled with body image issues her entire childhood up until her early twenties, going on her first diet at aged eight.  I have had the pleasure of talking with Clare over the phone (she’s lovely!) about her thoughts on the current diet and thin culture we are surrounded by and how it impacted her as a young girl.  As someone who is now in the public eye as a successful singer songwriter, Clare was also adamant that she felt the pressure on girls and young women was worse than ever, and that the media in particular had a lot to answer for with the narrow definition of beauty it perpetuated.

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Deborah Mailman, one of my favourite Australian actors, has also stated that she feels constant pressure regarding her body.  I think Deborah is amazing and it saddens me to hear her say - ”If I look at the one thorn that is in my side, of all my life, it is my weight…I fret about it, I’m anxious about it, being an actor on television – it drives me insane. It just seems to be something that plays a central part in waking up in the morning and thinking, how am I with myself today?”  Such a comment makes me wonder if Deborah would feel more confident about her appearance if she was not an actor and if in fact it is the industry that she works in that has fuelled these thoughts and feelings.  Only she will know that of course, but I for one think she has always been gorgeous.  I wish she could see that for herself too.   

I don’t envy these women for the scrutiny they are under.  It clearly has an impact.  An interview I have watched on Oprah today with her chatting to Jessica Simpson has highlighted to me just how much.  When Oprah asked Jessica if she felt the scrutiny of her weight over the past two years had hurt her – tears welled in her eyes and she said it absolutely had, making her persistently worried she was not good enough and seen as sloppy and unnatractive.  This, coming from someone who was a US size 4 when this photograph was taken for my post on Celebrity Body Bullying.  What can be said about that except that it’s lunacy, unfair and sends a horrible message not only to Jessica, but to all women, that if you aren’t thin – you aren’t acceptable or attractive. 
 
They, as are you, are all beautiful.  If only the industry they worked in and the outlets that reported on them helped send that message too.
 
What do you think Beautiful You?  Do you think the scrutiny that famous women are under is unfair or just a part of being well known?


Tagged as: Body Bullying, Body Image, Celebrities, Clare Bowditch, Deborah Mailman, Diet, Glamour, Jessica Simpson, Lifestyle, Media, Oprah, Pressure, Self Esteem, Thin Ideal, Weight

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Summer Body Love Commandments

One of the most wonderful things I have done this year is start writing for the magazine MAEVE.  Available free online, MAEVE is smart, sophisticated and soulful reading.  Not a diet, gossip snippet or deliberately unflattering paparazzi photo in sight.  Now that’s a magazine and community of women I want to be a part of.  In the current Summer edition you will find great articles on ethical gifts, raising resilient children, a personal recovery story of bulimia and some great blog recommendations.
Another piece in MAEVE this month is mine – and I’m particularly proud of it.  It’s called Summer Body Love Commandments for the Modern MAEVE Woman – but of course that means you too even if you haven’t read it!  The commandments have been inspired by the fast approaching Summer here in Australia and me, quite frankly, being a bit over the neverending round of articles and tv segments that come out every year at this time with swimsuit recommendations for ‘your body.’  Problem with most of them that I see is that the models used are almost always the same size and shape!  Not a lot of hope finding my shape in there and possibly not yours either.
So…with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek I wrote my Summer Body Love commandments.  Here are three of my favourites -
“Thou shall not obsess about one’s upper arms, bingo wings or chicken flaps while wearing sleeveless attire.”  (It’s gonna get hot ladies!  Get those arms out there.)
“Thou shall realise very quickly that every minute spent obsessing over the appearance and size of ones thighs is a genuine life moment lost.”  (It is you know.  It is.)
“Thou shall embrace ones natural curves, rolls, lumps and bumps with gratitude for being a part of ones body that has the ability to walk in the sunshine, swim in the ocean and drink cocktails by the pool.”  (Yay for the curves, rolls, lumps and bumps!)
Clearly these are a bit cheeky but I’m very serious when sharing with you that I hope this Summer you will not hide your body away or be ashamed of putting on your swimmers and getting out in the sun, surf and sand.  Challenge yourself to let those thoughts of body concern wash over you or push back at them and then get out there and do your thing!  While you’re at it print off MAEVE and take it with you.  She’s a great companion.
 

Tagged as: Body Image, Bulimia, Diet, Gossip, MAEVE Magazine, Media, Parenting, Recovery, Summer

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