You Can’t Make Everyone Like You
Let’s get the super important stuff out on the table first.
You are amazing, worthy and beautiful just. as. you. are. There’s no denying that from my camp and I hope you believe that about yourself too.
But. And yes – there’s a but.
Despite your amazingness, worthiness and beauty - you will never be able to get every person you ever come in touch with to love you, or for that matter, even like you. And that’s ok. Truly it is.
You might be wondering – but why? If I am a good, kind, positive and giving person – why wouldn’t everyone like me and even love me? Why wouldn’t they see the beauty in me that others do and I do for myself?
Well…there’s lots of reasons and most of them you will need to come to peace with never actually knowing.
We cannot know the reason why we meet someone at a networking event, give them our card and they never email us. Even when they say they would.
We cannot know why he never called. Even when he said he would.
We cannot know why we try to connect with another Mum at playgroup and she just doesn’t reciprocate. Even when we want to be friends.
We cannot know why we think someone decides not to buy our products or engage with our services. Even when we believe them to be our perfect customer.
We just cannot know why – unless of course we chase for the answer. But conversations that have a beginning in ‘Why don’t you like me?’ or ‘Why won’t you respond to me?’ so often, I find, don’t have a happy ending.
So what’s the answer when we truly believe we are worth someone connecting with us, liking us, loving us – and it just doesn’t happen?
Move on.
Don’t contort, manipulate, stretch and turn yourself inside out. Don’t turn on yourself and think there must be something ‘wrong’ with you. Don’t waste any of your precious time and life on something you can’t control.
Yes. Control.
Because while we all may want someone’s approval, or friendship, or respect, or love – we genuinely have no control over whether or not someone chooses to give it to us. It’s a choice. Their choice. Someone else’s choice. It’s never our choice. Our decision to make. Our love to give.
All you, we and me can do is be our truest and most genuine self. The people who are then meant to come to us and be with us and like and love us will be. Those who are not will not.
Focus all your love and attention on those people who are your people. Those who easily flow and connect with you and everything you are. Those with whom you can utterly be yourself – all the time.
Let go of those people who are not your people. Those for whatever reason, entirely out of your control, who move towards others. Let them go with love.
And know that more beautiful and amazing people are out there waiting for you to show up into their lives. Always.
There’s always more love for beautiful and amazing people like you.
This is so true. I’m a people pleaser all the way so I need posts like this to remind me that no matter how much I try, some people will never be happy with me. It also reminded me that I need to focus on what’s important to ME rather than what’s important to others.
Thanks for an amazing post.
You’re welcome E. I know for certain you are not alone in being a ‘people pleaser’ – or should I say – trying to be. We spend so much of our time trying so desperately to get others to like or approve of us, forgetting that we ultimately can not control if they actually will. Therefore – best to just let it go – be ourselves – and watch and wait for those people who come to us naturally!
Oh Julie this post made me cry! I have struggled with the “why” forever! Even from school age. Still as an adult I find it upsetting when someone doesn’t like me, especially of it is someone I can’t avoid! Thank you for this, I’ll save it and re-read it when I’m feeling “less than” xxx
Oh Erin – I didn’t mean to make you cry but if they are tears of relief then I’m happy! You are not alone in struggling with the ‘why’ when someone doesn’t respond to us in the way we may like, but learning to let it go and just move towards people who do will bring you so much peace. Do save it! I hope it’s something that for those who need it they can and will read over and over again.
Great piece – thank you Julie!
Wow – that really hit the spot for me. Thank you for the insight this post has given me. While I have realised the ‘control’ thing in other areas of my life – I never put it in this perspective but it makes so much sense now !
THANK YOU !
Have a great day – love, hugs and positive energy.
Me
Insights are always great for the soul Me – glad this post has helped!
Thank you! I was trying to write a post that said this, but I couldn’t come up with the words… So I think I’ll just tell people to read what you wrote.
I am wonderful, I am totally loveable, and still not everyone will love me.
Kind of like how I don’t like vanilla ice cream. I will always prefer chocolate. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, I just like chocolate better. There will be people that prefer my qualities over someone else’s, and there will be people who don’t. It’s just the way it goes.
An icecream metaphor – love it Jen! P.S. I’m an unabashedly chocolate girl too but my husband loves vanilla. As they say…’each to their own!’
What a wonderful post, Julie!
Thank you for shining light and positivity on such a hard topic that affects so many of us.
I love it and I will read over it often!
You’re welcome Louise – am glad it has resonated with so many people and is being bookmarked. I hoped it would be something people could read over and over again.
[...] there is one lesson that I hope you truly take home this week, it’s this: You can’t make everyone love you. It’s a futile [...]
[...] “Despite your amazingness, worthiness and beauty - you will never be able to get every person you ever come in touch with to love you, or for that matter, even like you. And that’s ok. Truly it is.” You Can’t Make Everyone Like You – Beautiful You [...]
after my 6th baby, I was so crazy busy, i didn’t have time to think about what anyone else thought of me….and what a beautiful thing…I never went back to trying to be someone else
Brilliant Mama! After SIX babies – you’ve way earned the right and beyond to be nothing but you.
Well done momto8blog! That’s the way to do it for sure.