I recently asked on
Beautiful You's Facebook
Fan Page if there was anything someone wanted me to post about. Much to my surprise a commenter asked me to write a post about myself. Eeek! When I first started writing this post it was quite 'top line', but then I realised I may as well be brave and tell you some more about the real me - warts and all. I credit Kendra Sebelius of
A Voice in Recovery and Andrea Owen of
Live Your Ideal Life for inspiring this in me. Kendra and Andrea always write and reveal themselves from a place that is completely 'real' so I figure I should do the same. So....my life thus far.
At a close friends birthday party
Although I now love living in Melbourne, I spent most of my childhood on a farm and am a country girl at heart. My Mother, sister and I moved in with my Grandparents and Uncle when I was very young after my parents divorced. I went to a small local school and there were 14 students in my graduating year.
When I first went to University I wanted to train to be a teacher so I could work with young people. My mind was changed when I went on a Rotary Youth Leadership Conference by a man in his 50's who went on to become the greatest mentor I have ever had. He convinced me that I was a 'healer' and should be working with young people who were desperate and marginalised. In the third year of my Arts degree and with only one left to go to gain my teaching qualification, I made the decision to enrol in a social work course that would mean I had to remain at University an extra four years. It remains the best decision I have ever made.
My first job as a graduate was as a youth counsellor and advocate in the heavily drug run area of Springvale. I counselled and worked with some extraordinary young people who coped with violence, drug addiction, homelessness and personal trauma every day. Two lasting experiences during this time included being the birth buddy for a 16 year old teenager who was addicted to heroin. The birth of her son changed her life and motivated her to stop using. Another involved me entering a strip club to convince a 15 year old runaway to stop stripping. She left with me and I returned her to her home, but she killed herself the following day. I think of her and her family often and every time I hear her same name, my heart pulls a little.
I first became professionally interested in eating disorders when a 22 year old woman came to me for help with her anorexia and bulimia. I was petrified of her and thought I would never be able to help. It became apparent to me soon after meeting her that she just needed someone to stop asking her about food and her weight all the time, and instead have someone listen to and understand the emotional pain and trauma that was underneath everything that was happening to her. Over a period of two years and seeing me weekly, she got well, with what I still feel today was with nothing more than listening by myself. From there I started to get an incredible number of referrals for people who had eating disorders and negative body image issues, and I began to read voraciously about the illness and do every course I could to learn more about it. This lead me to eventually volunteer and work for The Butterfly Foundation, where I still am today. I am passionate about eating disorders and body image as a societal and health issue not only on behalf of all the courageous people I have worked with, but as you will read below, for myself as well.
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My then fiancee, now husband Glenn - at a friends birthday
The time between the ages of 31-33 were personally horrifying for me. I felt like my whole world collapsed on top of me. Throughout the entire time I was very depressed and, at times, suicidal. I was assaulted by three men in a random attack one night after I had gone out dancing with friends. I developed a rare form of vaginal cancer not long after this. Despite being desperately in love with someone during this time and he hanging on and trying to help me throughout my darkness, I always knew deep down he never loved me as I did him. When he finally left me, as he should have, I genuinely felt I had nothing to live for. I had lost my sense of self, and, on some days it felt, my mind.
During this time, I lost an enormous amount of weight, chiefly due to an almost total loss of appetite. Until that time, even though I had always been a plump teen and curvaceous size 14-16 woman, I had never been overly concerned about my appearance. Sure, I had tried diets to lose weight, but I could never stick to them, so just gave up. To begin with, the weight loss was not intentional, but as it became more noticeable and I liked what I saw, I convinced myself this was the only part of my life I was in control of and I should keep going and see if everything else, such as my depression, relationship, and even my cancer, would get better too. It was not to be, and my GP told me that if I lost just two more kg's she would hospitalise me due to the fact my body was no longer going to have the capacity to fight my cancer. It was then I realised my mind and heart were just as sick as my body, and I needed to get psychological help. Being a counsellor myself I had predictably resisted this, thinking I "knew it all" and could help myself. I found someone fantastic and with that, and leaning on my wonderful friends for some more support, I got well, both in mind and body. I have now been cancer free for four years. All the weight I lost came straight back on as soon as my appetite returned. I will not lie. Some days, I do wish I was thinner and could walk into any store as I could back then, and buy whatever I wanted. Then, I remember the desperate sadness and total lack of self I had at the time and the thought goes away. Sometimes I still equate being thin with being unhappy and so I would rather be the way I am. I fully appreciate the two things do not have to be mutually exclusive, but it is where my head is at and I need to respect that and also the natural shape of my body.
I have come to believe that timing plays a very significant role in my life and I cannot give enough blessings for meeting my now husband Glenn at a time when I was happily single, not depressed, inspired by work again and in a loving self state. I fully realise if we had met even one year earlier we may not be together now. While both of us have wondered what things may have been like if we had met when we were younger, we are so grateful to have found one another now and be in a relationship that is loving and equal. Our wedding day just over a year ago is the happiest of my life thus far. Believe me when I tell you - he is beautiful and I am a fortunate woman.
Wedding Day - 13 months ago
Glenn has a daughter from his first marriage who is the junior love of my life. Sinead is 11 years old and loves all animals (especially horses), drawing, Little Athletics and playstation. She is witty, kind, and incredibly gorgeous. She stays with us every second weekend and half of the school holidays. It's not possible for me to describe how much I love her.
Sinead and her 'wicked' Stepmum!
Currently I am happier than I have ever been and I know Beautiful You is a part of that. I had no idea I would become as passionate a blogger as I have in just 9 months. I love writing and also reading and commenting on other's blogs. I had never really seen myself as a body image actionist, but Beautiful You has helped me to realise I am. I don't mind sharing that I have shed more than one tear upon receiving a comment or email from someone who has expressed gratitude for something I have written. I can be a bit of a sook like that.
To finish off - some random facts...
My best friend and I are polar opposites in personality, looks and demeanour but have been friends for nearly 20 years through many ups and many downs. We have never had a fight.
My favourite food is icecream.
I get bored with my hair very quickly and am constantly changing my hair colour and style.
My favourite colour is pink and has been all my life. This is not due in any way to my Mum giving me lots of pink/girly toys as a child or dressing up in tutu's. I remember having a Barbie but my 'toys' were baby goats, dogs, cats, fruit trees and a cubby house. I just love the softness and calmness of the colour and am always told I look great when wearing it.
My favourite Aunt died suddenly on my 10th birthday when she was 28 years old, leaving behind an 8 week old baby. I have often been told how much I look like her, which I take as an enormous compliment, as I remember her as being vibrant and beautiful.
I collect vintage dresses, particularly those from the late 1940's - early 1960's. Whenever I get them all out and see them together I feel quite overwhelmed with how beautiful, detailed and intricate they are.
When I was 12 years old I met Princess Diana - albeit very briefly. To this day she is the most extraordinarily beautiful woman I have ever seen in person, and I remember being awestruck with how tall and graceful she was, with crystal blue eyes. I can still recall the exact details of what she was wearing including the seam in her stockings and the colour of her shoes.
I'm more than happy to clean a toilet but hate vaccuming.
I love football and if I had the time would go to see my beloved Collingwood FC every weekend. During footy season I follow the competition religiously.
I won $1000 in a karaoke competition in Venice despite having had far too much wine before getting on stage. My winning song was 'Somebody to Love' by Queen. An absolute favourite.
I can DJ. My handle (wait for it) - D'Jules. Available for your next party.
I volunteered at a community centre in India for a month in my early 20's. It was an extraordinary experience and the Indian children and people I worked with will eternally have a piece of my heart.
I was a Brownie, Girl Guide, Junior Leader and Girl Guide Leader and loved every moment of my time in the organisation.
I make great lentil and lemon soup and chocolate raspberry trifle.
I believe I have a "book" inside of me but need to find the time and discipline to start writing.
Thanks dear readers for asking and letting me share a little more about myself. Thank you also for being a part of my current happiness and joy in the blogging community.
Lastly we have WHO Magazine (sister publication to US based People Magazine) with their annual 'Body' issue. Now I have seen WHO get this relatively right before with lots of diverse body shapes and accompanying information about developing positive body image and the effects of eating disorders. Aahh...not so much this time around. As can be seen from the buffed bodies on the cover here, not a great deal of diversity (despite the claim), nor in the subsequent photo shoot slide shows here. Of great concern, as so eloquently pointed out by former magazine editor, eating disorder survivor and blogger Erica Bartle, is the promotion of swimwear designer Jodhi Meares for exercising 3 hours a day. When this exercise comes at the expense of going out to lunch, which Jodhi states she finds boring - we know there is a problem. This is not a sustainable or healthy level of exercise, nor WHO, is it a healthy message to spread. Please wake up.
It is hard for me to describe how amazed and thrilled I am at the way the world wide web community has embraced Beautiful You in such a short space of time. Through writing here I have been connected to so many amazing people, both those who share my passion for body image advocacy and those of you who are looking for some inspiration and ways you can positively develop this part of your life. And really - isn't that all of us! Many of you have written to me expressing your gratitude for ways in which Beautiful You has helped you and I want to let you know that the joy and pride that brings me is immeasurable.
The post is filed away in the 'Celebrity Spotlight' of the site and naturally goes on to show the requisite before and after photo's. Their dress sense and weight is picked apart. While there may be claps for Kelly now that she has gained "approval from the fashion pack," her wardrobe was previously deemed 'trashy' and it's pointed out she had 'puppy fat.' For Nicole Ritchie to be given a gold style star, she has been required to ditch her "coloured hair extensions, leg warmers and rah-rah skirts." Goodness help the girl if she just wanted to have fun with her dress sense and fashion. Seems that is not allowed when barely out of your teens.
While I am aware Lily can push some people's buttons with her outspoken manner and that she has her own body image issues, I can't help but think she may have this one right. It certainly seems to be the case with this little celebrity piece, not just for Lily but for Nicole and Kelly as well. A shame that such high profile young women are given the message that to be stylish and fashionable one needs to be thin. To me, I thought they were all terribly cute as ducklings and as the lovely Amber Riley from Glee shows us here - beautiful fashion can be worn very well by young ladies of all different shapes and sizes. 
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