A Thinner - But Not Better - View

I firstly wish to premise this post by saying that I am a fan of visualisation techniques, positive thinking & believing in ones dreams & hopes for the future. I don't think based on previous posts that is really going to come as a surprise to anyone. I have read many books by Louise Hay who is a master of learning to create destiny from positive affirmations & enjoyed every one, as I have by many other authors. I have used creative visualisation in my own life, & as a therapist have encouraged many people to do the same.

My entire perception of 'positive' visualisation has been completely turned on its head however when I came across this infuriating site - Thinner View. I am loathe to give it publicity by sending people there for a look, but to understand my total disdain for this type of marketing, it's necessary.

The entire premise of this site is that if you can just see & visualise yourself as thinner - then it will become a reality. Now this is not promoting the sort of reflective visualisation where you picture yourself in your mind as you wish to be, rather this vision is created by none other than the modern day miracle & dream weaver of photoshop. Send in your 'fat' photo & they will photoshop you thin so that you can see yourself as you truly deserve/wish/crave/need to be.

Some of the amazing things that Thinner View can do include -

"ThinnerView helps you reach your weight loss goals more effectively and successfully by letting you see yourself at your goal weight BEFORE a single day of dieting!"

(It's a miracle & oh so easy to lose weight. You practically don't even NEED to diet when you have Thinner View.)

"One of our highly experienced digital artists will create a custom-made ThinnerView image for you within 2 business days and for less than the price of a single dinner out!"

(So give your money to us instead of being a glutton & spending your money on food.)

"So why wait until after the diet when ThinnerView lets you see a thinner you, Now!"

(Get instant gratification & "results." You know you need to do this before any diet will ever be a success.)

"For just $2 each we can further enhance your image by: Removing Blemishes, Removing Wrinkles, Whitening Teeth, Perfecting Skin Texture"

(Because if you don't know it already, being thin is not really good enough. You can be thin & perfect for some extra cash.)

If this is all not ridiculous enough, it is actually the images from the site that I find even more frightening & insulting. Here are some magic before & after photo's from the site which are clearly not of customers, but rather models or subjects that have sat professionally. Many to me look like they have been lifted from fashion catalogues.

I am beyond mad at these images as I don't believe even for a fraction of a second that any of these women need to lose weight. I can of course only judge based on what is presented to me in these photo's, but I feel pretty confident from a HEALTH perspective that weight loss is required for no-one here. The premise by Thinner View is that they believe these people would look BETTER if thinner & therefore are excellent examples to use in before & after scenario's.

This reeks to me of nothing more then pressuring, cajoling & shaming people that they are not good enough as they are & that if people who look like the above should use Thinner View - then maybe they need to as well. It's a scam that is preying on the insecurities & vulnerabilities of people who may not be fully happy with their body image or physical presence.

What I'd like to know is what Thinner View would do if someone sent in a photo of themselves that clearly showed they were already thin or even underweight? Would they still photoshop them thinner? Would they have any potential understanding that they may be directly feeding into someone's very negative mind set, desperate body image problem, obsession to become thinner or eating disorder? Have they even thought about such things? Doubt it.

I shout from the rooftops so often & so loudly that we must try to create a world that not only tolerates, but celebrates people's varying & diverse body shapes. Why oh why do such things exist that try to push us into thinking that only if you are thin, are you beautiful or even & acceptable. I believe that sites like this do exactly that.

For anyone that feels they actually need to lose weight for health purposes I don't think that handing over hard earned cash to sites such as this is going to assist in any way. The site clearly pushes diets as well, which of course we know don't work, but I genuinely feel that if any person is wanting to attain better health via visualisation or motivational techniques - there are better ways to do it than this. Read some guided imagery. Learn some visualisation techniques. Meditate. These would be my suggestions.

So - have I got it wrong here? Do others think this could actually be a positive or good thing? Should we be encouraging people to use such a service to help them reach a weight loss goal?

I'm shuddering, but as always, interested in others thoughts.

National Body Image & Eating Disorders Awareness Week

Next week in Australia from Monday August 31st - Sunday September 6th is National Body Image & Eating Disorders Awareness Week, or BIEDAW as it is collectively known. BIEDAW is always held in the first week of September & in the past few years has started to gain considerable momentum & community awareness. Hooray! I for one am hoping that very soon it will be a week that is very widely known & reported on in the media, as continuing to raise awareness about eating disorders & positive body image is obviously a passion of mine.

There are many wonderful events & opportunities happening throughout the country in celebration of BIEDAW & here are just a few I think are fantastic & well worth attending.

"Give Fashion, Give Love, Give Hope" - National fashion retailer Sportsgirl will be celebrating BIEDAW & raising funds for The Butterfly Foundation via a capsule collection of designer accessories available in stores nationally & at their online shop. Having personally had a 'sneak peek' at the products (some of which are pictured here) I can tell you that they are beautiful & will make a great buy for yourself or gift for a friend. This is your chance to own a designer piece by someone such as Cohen et Sabine or Elke Kramer for a fraction of the cost! All proceeds from sales go to eating disorder sufferers who are on low incomes, access treatment of their choice.

The Eating Disorders Network of Queensland is hosting a Body Image & Eating Disorders Awareness Workshop in Brisbane. It costs only $20 & includes lunch & afternoon tea. A bargain.

Western Australian based eating disorder organisation "Bridges" are hosting an event with guest speaker Chris Harris. A measely $5 will get you in & a cup of coffee & nibbles too.

The Eating Disorders Foundation of the ACT will hosting a 'high tea' fundraiser. Enjoy some yummy cakes & savouries while raising money for a great cause.

The Apple Isles' Tasmanian Eating Disorder Support Service are giving away soothing hand massages & free gifts as well. Treat yourself!

There are many more wonderful events happening throughout Australia & for the full calendar of happenings please go to The Butterfly Foundation & download. Calendars are also available in store in Sportsgirl stores.

Happy BIEDAW!

Plus Size Chic Makes History

One of Australia's most prestigious fashion "galas" - Rosemount Sydney Fashion Festival - made history this week.

How so?

Did no-one turn up?

Is polyester the new silk?

Gumboots the new stiletto?

Nup.

History has been made with the holding of a fashion parade for plus sized clothing with plus sized models - for the first time ever.

Seems crazy doesn't it? There have obviously been plus sized women around for forever, but never have they been acknowledged by the fashtastic fashionista's of the fashion world. I could speculate very long & loud (in a very nasty & bitter tone) as to why this may be, but alas it would do no-one any good. Fact is that now, the bigger girls are OUT & PROUD & can I say looking mighty fine as these saucy catwalk photo's can attest to.

It truly is about time, & I congratulate retailer City Chic for doing whatever they had to do to get their clothing & models up their on the catwalk. I don't think it can have been easy & am reasonably certain there would have been more than one organiser of the week that would have turned their nose up at the suggestion of a plus sized parade.

Let's hope that City Chic's bravado rubs off on the executives of Australia's largest department store Myers. While Myers have recently decided to also have plus sized fashion parades, they are doing so only at their in-store functions. Much has been made of the 'big gals' walking the catwalk with arguably Australia's most well know model of the moment - former Miss Universe Jennifer Hawkins - but little of the fact that they have been deemed still not acceptable enough to parade in front of the buyers, magazine editors & influential fashion media who attend Rosemount. As fashion blogger Patty Huttington writes - it just ain't quite good enough.

C'mon Myers. Embrace body diversity fully, not just half way. Can't you see how glorious & beautiful these women are? Don't they deserve a turn where the real spotlight is? What a shame you missed the chance to take the lead here like City Chic - a much much smaller retailer. They have lead the way here & now all you can do is follow, but follow I hope you will.

You'll look mighty lean & superficial if you don't.

Viva La Lizzi!

There's no doubt for a body image warrior such as myself, that the glamour world of fashion & modelling can be incredibly worrying. Lack of appreciation for diversity in size, shape, ethnicity. Very young girls parading in very mature clothes. Older male photographers, underage models. Insidious dieting & weight practices. The list goes on.

Despite all my concerns, it may come as a surprise to some that I do think in some instances that the fashionista's are trying. There's a long way to go & I'm not handing out "A" scores yet - but they're trying & I think this photo below of model Lizzi Miller from Glamour Magazine clearly shows they are.

Pause.

Sigh.

Beautiful.

To me this is one of the most amazing photographs of a model I've ever seen. She's smiling, glowing, natural & totally stunning. A total Goddess.

What is even doubly beautiful about her is all of the joyful comments & responses it has prompted.

"The most amazing photograph I've ever seen in any women's magazine"

'This photo made me want to shout from the rooftops"

"I was even considering a tummy tuck but this picture just made me realise that there are other women out there just like me & are comfortable in their skin. So why go through the pain, I'm gonna accept my body how it is"

While not as impressive, even Harpers Bazaar have made what I consider to be a small step towards more natural & realistic imagery with their recent spread of 90's supermodels posing in simple clothes with no makeup.

Now, there's no doubting that I, & I am sure most other women can relate better to Lizzi than Tatjana Patitz pictured below, but I'm still going to throw a little credit to HB for what is certainly a more natural & I think much softer, reflective shoot of models in comparison to the high glossed, makeup rich, tortuous clothes & spiked heels regalia that we so often see & can draw no relation to. Have the images been photoshopped, styled, va-voomed etc etc - sure - but again, I feel it's a small baby step.

Let's hope that both magazines & many others pay attention to the comments that their readers are making & don't make this a publicity grabbing 'once off', but rather see it as a collective desire of so many girls & women who want to look at fashion magazines & feel great about themselves & their body image.

Please, please, listen powerful magazine editors. We want more Lizzi's!

Ending Fat Talk

“I’m fat.”

“No you’re not. You look great. I’m fat.”

“No way. You’re not fat. I’m the one who’s fat.”

Welcome to ‘Fat Talk’ playing at a Mothers group, school yard or workplace near you. Seems pretty harmless yes? No.

Fat Talk, or people putting themselves down about their weight & appearance, has been around for a long time. It is of course deeply intertwined with issues of self, acceptance & body image & it shouldn’t come as a surprise to many that it is a particular past time of girls & women.

A 2007 study found that – “Because women feel pressured to follow the fat talk norm, they are more likely to engage in fat talk with other females, hence, women normalize their own body dissatisfaction with one another.”

Why would women do this? What possible good could come from someone publicly announcing that they are, or feel, ‘fat’ or unhappy with themselves? Of course no-one can really know the answer to this other than the person themselves, but research has found that - “Women are perceived as OK if they fat talk and acknowledge that their bodies are not perfect” & that supposedly we tend to dislike arrogance, especially in women.

Wow! Since when did it become arrogant behaviour to say only positive, uplifting & encouraging things about one’s body? Is it acceptable to be ok about our life achievements as a contributor to society, a partner, a creator, a gardener a “whatever”, but not ok to be accepting enough of our bodies that we don’t engage in fat talk? I find this a very scary indictment upon our culture that this behaviour is not only deemed acceptable by some, but even warranted or understood because – after all – we’re just women. We should feel terrible about ourselves. It’s ok to express hatred of our bodies. It’s bonding to fat talk together. No. No. And No.

I think it’s time that ALL women thought about how they can end insidious fat talk. I’ll leave you with a few tips as to some of the positive ways that I think fat talk can be eradicated. Please share your own with me & others by commenting & sharing.

There is nothing that can ever be gained from putting yourself down, either silently within your thoughts, or externally in front of others. Please don’t.

If you think that making a disparaging comment about yourself after someone in your presence has done the same will make them feel better – it won’t. All you are doing is reinforcing that negative talk about our bodies is acceptable for any person & have tried to deflect negativity from them on to you. It just ends up being doubly negative.

If you find yourself feeling consumed with negative feelings about your appearance when in the company of others (including other women), please know that this is not ok & that freedom from these thoughts can be attained. Seek the help of a supportive counsellor as soon as you can.

Before saying anything disparaging about yourself in the company of others – slow down. Ask yourself – why am I saying this? How will this contribute positively to the conversation? How will this contribute positively to me? It won’t? Please don’t say it.

Learn to accept graciously given compliments about yourself (including potentially those about your appearance) & never deflect them back to the giver with a negative response. Someone has taken the time to throw some sunshine your way & they want you to have that positivity. Take it with a smile & a thank you.

Recognise consistently with every breath you take, every day you live, that you are worthy & beautiful as you are. Fat talk will do nothing but detract from this which is a travesty for you & those around you. Be still & gracious in who you are.

True Beauty Search

Sometimes I feel when I’m driving to work that I’m on auto pilot – I know the route so well. It takes a bit to capture my attention, but it happened this morning.

While doing my usual channel surfing, I heard Jo Stanley from Fox FM’s breakfast radio show mention that they were having a ‘True Beauty’ search during Melbourne’s Spring Fashion Week. I was about to flick the channel (not another banal beauty competition!) but Jo hooked me in, saying this was going to be a competition like no other & that the station were going to host a fashion parade where all of the models would have a physical disability or impairment that was visible to others.

The show invited women to call in telling them why they wanted to be in the parade. One woman explained she had only had one hand since birth & while she lead a very successful life, she would love to feel like a supermodel for a day. Another shy woman said she had been completely bald for a number of years & that she was “totally over” people treating her like she was a freak & that she would like to get a chance to show others she was beautiful. Another call came in from a man who said he wanted to nominate his wife for the parade as she had recently had a mastectomy & it was very evident, unless she was wearing very baggy clothing, that she had only one breast. He choked back tears saying that while she was incredibly beautiful to him, he felt she really needed a self esteem boost & that maybe being in this parade would help.


I was struck by what a wonderful idea this fashion parade was & how meaningful it could be to many women who must feel at times that they are dismissed by society & not seen as beautiful in any way. They are beautiful of course, in immeasurable ways, but in our perfection obsessed society, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to develop positive body image when missing a limb, confined to a wheelchair or having a facial disfigurement. I also thought it a great idea to give a good push along to wider society to develop an appreciation that you don’t need to be ‘perfect’ to be beautiful, fashionable, desirable or even sexy.

I wish all of the women who enter the very best. While there will be hundreds of fashion parades boasting beautiful clothes & pretty young models during Spring Fashion Week, I highly doubt that any parade will be as special as this one. May it be the first of many & the beginning of seeing more women with disabilities in the fashion & modelling world. Both sectors sorely need an injection of some diverse beauty that I have no doubt all of these women would bring.

My Haven

This post is inspired by the soon to be 1st year anniversary of my husband Glenn & I purchasing our first home in the lovely suburb of Highett, Melbourne. We are only a five minute drive to a great swimming beach & have a gorgeous sunny deck at the back of our house on which we have consumed many a cool drink. Being in our own space, our own home, has been a joyful revelation for both of us.

I have always enjoyed surrounding myself with beautiful things wherever I have lived, but never more so than now I have my own home. I want to make my home a beautiful reflection of myself & my family because I feel this contributes to me experiencing a beautiful life & a beautiful me. It’s not just about having pretty things to look at or buying expensive things. It’s a feeling that I hope to create from being surrounded by hand me down treasures, vintage & flea market finds, unique pieces & lovingly received gifts. This feeling helps me to feel like my home is a haven, the place where I can most be myself, do my best thinking or simply not think at all.

These are some photo’s of some my favourite details throughout our small, two bedroom home. I would love for you to share your thoughts on how you think your home helps you to experience a beautiful life & be your best. Wherever your home may be, I hope it is as wonderful a haven for you, as mine is for me.

A second hand chair I found in a vintage store in High St, Armadale & had reupholstered in this nice striped fabric. The cushion is from Laura Ashley.

Our kitty "Cookie" who was rescued from a drain pipe when she was three weeks old. Some friends refuse to believe this story saying she is so cute & perfect for our home, that we somehow picked her from a designer catalogue. She is very spoilt (especially by her Dad) & we adore her.

The mantlepiece in our loungeroom. The large antique mirror was a steal from Ebay, the etched glass bottle from an op-shop & the crystal candlestick a wedding present.

A selection of books on our lounge coffee table which has a wrought iron base & glass top & also found its way to me via Ebay. If you have not read the very cute picture book 'The Lady who was Beautiful Inside" - do yourself a favour & make a purchase.

Some vintage glasses which my Mother kindly passed on to me. I always try to have fresh flowers in my house but they are often so expensive. These jonquils are a cheaper pick & I soon hope to have my own garden roses when they come into bloom for the first time this Spring.

If you ever call by for a cuppa you will always drink it from a tea cup & saucer in my house. The cups are small but they are bottomless, so hit me up for as many refills as you want! I found this teapot in a op-shop & this is my favourite tea cup, inherited from my Great Aunty Merlie.

This is my bedside table. The lamp is one of a pair I bought from the Chapel St Bazaar. The adorable cat figurine was a gift from my Grandparents when I was a very small girl. It is sitting on a French limoge ashtray which I bought at a flea market in Paris. Despite the fact I have never smoked, I thought it may be my only chance to own something by Limoge! My current night time reading of choice is 'Eat, Pray, Love.'

This collection of perfume bottles sits on my Queen Anne mirrored dresser. I found it with two matching tables & bedhead for $150 the lot (!) in a second hand store in Dandenong. I felt like I had won Tattslotto that day!

Glitzy Girls

I recently became aware of a new book called “High Glitz: The Extravagant World of Child Beauty Pageants.” I admit to a strange fascination with this world as it is so far removed from anything I have seen here in Australia. I do know of shopping centre competitions that are held to raise money for charity, but these kids simply turn up in their best jeans or a summer dress. There are no swimsuits, makeup, talent section, hair curling or hair twirling. A ribbon or small trophy is given, but never money. While I don’t like children being put in a competition that is based on appearance at all, it seems to be much less innocuous than the competitions portrayed in ‘High Glitz.’


High Glitz is described as

“a close-up and intimate look at America’s child beauty pageants, and in turn our society’s obsession with youth, beauty, fame and fortune. Susan Anderson’s vibrant portraits of pageant contestants twist notions of sexuality and identity, with a new perspective on this uniquely American subculture. “High Glitz” is a subgenre of child beauty pageants characterized by couture “glitz” costumes and a broad array of cosmetic preparations including, among other tricks of the trade: glamour makeup, elaborate hairstyles, and “flippers” (false front teeth veneers).”

Good Lord! It seems to me that the most worrying thing about this is that if you remove the word child from the above description, it could easily be a description of an adult beauty pageant and herein is where I think the problem lies.

If you click here you will see some of Susan Anderson’s haunting portraits of these little girls. They have smoky kohl eyes, are wearing incredibly detailed & expensive dresses, more blush than I have ever worn in my life, deep spray tans & garishly long fake fingernails. Also take note of the very adult, sexy facial expressions & poses. It is at once confusing & concerning to be looking at these innocent girls, some who would be lucky to be four, but are so highly sexualised they could pass for fourteen.
This is not something that just a handful of little girls are participating in as “each year as many as 100,000 children under the age of 12 participate in U.S. child beauty pageants, and it has recently become a billion-dollar industry.” I find this truly amazing from a parental perspective as I simply cannot understand why any Mum or Dad would want their little one to grow up at a faster pace than they already do. It seems to me only yesterday that my almost 11 year old stepdaughter was playing with dolls. She certainly isn’t any more & I know she is hurtling head long into adolescence at a frightening pace.
Not understanding this strange world at all, I would love to hear from people who do. I obviously have reservations, but am open to learning more. If you are a Mum or Dad that puts your daughter in pageants – tell me what’s your motivation for doing so? If you deliberately don’t – why? If you were in a pageant – tell me what it was like. If you simply have an opinion that you wish to share –I’d love to hear from you too.

Embracing Thin and Fat

How much can we ever really understand what it is to have the life, body, feelings & experiences of someone else? I think it’s impossible to fully be able to know what it is to be anyone else other than ourselves. Does this mean that we stop trying to understand other’s experiences?

Of course not. The entire concept of compassion for others, respect for differences & the embracing of diversity is exactly this – trying to understand what it is to walk in another’s moccasins or if choosing not to, at least allowing that person the right to their personal thoughts & feelings as a right for them, because they are, after all, not us.

There are groups within society that are similar in ethnicity, culture & appearance & these similarities harness a commonality amongst people. This is a wonderful thing. To have others that you can reach out to & laugh & cry with on a basis of shared experiences is a bonding & uniting thing that brings people closer together. Our hearts would all whither & die without this connection, so long may it be.

Over the past week I have learned that the current struggles that many women face in learning to love their bodies however, is not always a uniting commonality. Others may find me naïve in saying so, but I have found this surprising. Of course it goes without saying based on what I have just written, that I am fully aware that every one of the millions of women on the planet has deeply personalised thoughts & feelings about her body that may be similar in notion, construction & even execution, but ultimately, they are still very personal. Despite this, I did somehow think that any woman who had struggled with issues of food, weight & their body image would feel a strong connection with other women due to these feelings & experiences. I was not so aware that this commonality for some was centred on their actual body shape & size & that of others, rather than their internal feelings. I find this deeply ironical.

I read a blog post about ‘thin privilege’ this week that was very clear in its sentiment that the experiences of fat women are not the same as thin women. I can appreciate many of the points made, (I am fully aware of fat discrimination & in no way deny it exists), but not the combatant tone in which it was written. Statements such as “There are too many challenges unique to being fat in today’s world that go beyond your struggles with accepting yourself,” do very little to try & assist women of all shapes & sizes try & develop compassion & understanding for their inner body image struggles. Are we not all meant to be in this together?

After having some time to reflect on the post I had wondered whether maybe I was being a bit harsh on the writer & maybe she was simply trying to create debate & opinion sharing about the issue. My reflections did not end up changing my mind however when I learnt that this comment left on the blog was deleted. This confirmed my original thoughts that the post was not meant to create a path for shared experiences & learning’s but was simply a ‘this is the way it is, I’m right, you’re wrong’ approach. What a great shame this is as I think the comment by Revolution of Real Women has some very valid points, two of my favourites being –

“I think it’s crucially important to recognize that although women of a higher weight may have different experiences than those who are slimmer or average-sized, that does not mean that the emotional and psychological effects of any one portion of that spectrum are any less difficult”

“Accepting our differences and embracing the many more things we have in common will do much more for our cause in the end. Regardless of whether we’re big, small, average, muscular, or none of the above, women are in this fight together, and we need all of us to participate equally in order to make any headway.”

Another inspired post branching off from this issue by Kendra Sebelius, also contained some wonderful thoughts –

“My problem with the "Thin Privilege" is that it further pushes the message that by looking at a person, one can assume to know or understand the struggles of an individual person. Weight does not determine health - not in body or in spirit. By further pushing black and white thinking of one group "versus" another it weakens our fight in trying to break the stigma of weight defining a person.”

“This is what pitting thin vs fat furthers - shame in personal experiences as not being real, valid, because people may look a certain way. It also limits our relations with people. It creates silent judgments on others and ourselves.”

Do we not want to try & create open dialogue & shared opinions in a space that makes all women, regardless of their shape & size, feel comfortable to speak of their own experiences? Is this not the way we develop compassion & insight in to what it is like to be someone else? While our ultimate goal in life should be to be ourselves, trying to develop these insights into other people’s lives & even thoughts, surely must make us a better version of this self.

Lastly – just in case it is important to anyone reading – I have been both thin & fat. While I do not presume this means I understand all of the collective experiences of both thin women & fat women, I do believe it means I can confidently say that I have some understanding of what it is like to be both. Let me assure anyone that is not certain, both have their personal ups & downs & boy, was I especially surprised to learn that ‘thin’ was not all it was made out to be. While I do get quite huffy that I can’t find nicer plus sized clothing & do feel sometimes as if I am judged about my current shape, I would not trade it for the sickness of heart & mind I endured while thin. Simply cannot remember there being much ‘privilege’ there, for me at least, at all.