The Power of the Anorexic Voice - Follow Up

When I wrote my last blog post about anorexia sufferer Liz Jones (pictured), a UK Daily journalist, I openly admitted that it had stirred up quite a few strong feelings within me - angst, worry, anger, fear. All emotions of course that I could only feel in small doses in comparison to Liz herself, who in my opinon, was being dominated by a very strong 'anorexic voice' & illness that was preventing her from being her true self. Since my post of just two days ago, a colleague from The Butterfly Foundation emailed me this article which Liz had written as a follow up to her original article. It would seem that my deep concern for Liz was shared by so many others that Liz has felt the need to fully reassess her life & the role that her eating difficulties are playing in it. This can only be a positive thing.

In the days following Liz's original article, she describes the feeling of being contacted by hundreds of women either writing to or approaching her expressing their fear & concern for her wellbeing - "In my room I sat down in front of my laptop & read the hundreds & hundreds of comments that had flooded in. As the tears fell from my eyes & onto the keys, I realised what a fool I'd been - am being."

Liz describes being clearly touched by all the people who wrote & commented on her article & I am so glad I am one of those people. The story does not quite have the 'perfect' ending I would want which would involve Liz openly admitting that she needed to access professional help, but it does seem to have made her think about her life in a more holistic way & the impact her words have had on others. If nothing else, Liz can surely feel proud of the impact her article had on this one woman who approached her in an airport to say - "Every day I get out of bed & I hate myself. I think:"If only I were thin, life would fall into place. My boyfriend will love me. Then I read your piece & saw how you had wasted your life, & I thought: "I'm not going to punish myself any more."

Amen to that.

The Power of the Anorexic Voice

When I first read this article by British journalist Liz Jones, I was angry. I found it inflammatory, self-promoting & dangerous. Liz calls herself a ‘borderline anorexic’ who loves her concave stomach & regards “women who are fat, who don’t exercise...as somehow lazy. They just don’t try hard enough.” This is despite Liz having written many articles encouraging women to love themselves no matter their size & calling for more diversity amongst catwalk models.

A visit from her sister & a warning from her doctor that she is developing osteoporosis, prompted Liz to try & eat ‘normally’ for 3 weeks & write an article about it. This normal eating sees her consume ice cream, brie, butter, lollies, Yorkshire puddings, cream, scones, chocolate, sponge cake & custard in large quantities to a total of 3000 calories per day – way above a healthy, sensible eating plan. At the end of the 3 weeks Liz states she finds her “extra flesh disgusting” & that it has confirmed to her something that she knew all along that “food makes you soft, lazy undisciplined.” Hell bent on losing the weight she has put on, Liz finishes her article by stating she would “rather be thin than happy or healthy.”


My anger at the irresponsibility of this sort of reporting soon gave way to intense sadness. Here’s why.

- Liz is not, as she claims, a borderline anorexic. She has anorexia nervosa.
- Liz has never eaten a whole chocolate bar, banana or avocado.
- Liz sees food as her enemy & hates the sight of it.
- Liz states that she feels superior, clean & morally untouchable because of her eating habits, but is not happy or healthy.
- Liz hates being touched.
- Liz has only menstruated six times in her nearly 50 years alive.
- Liz wants to be thin in an attempt to be invisible.


It was only after reading & re-reading the article many times over that it occurred to me that it was not actually Liz Jones who had written this article. The author of the article is actually Liz Jones’ anorexic voice, mind & illness. The horrible & insidious mental illness she is suffering from has Liz trapped in world of fear thinking, among many other things, that her so-called borderline anorexia is all about food. It’s not & I certainly hope that anyone who may be suffering in a similar way to Liz does not read her article & mistakenly believe this as well.

I finish my post today with a letter to Liz which is a slightly longer version of a comment I posted online about her article. It’s my very small way of reaching out.

Liz Jones

Dear Liz,

Having read a number of your articles, I know that you are a talented journalist. This article however was not one I enjoyed reading. I am sorry that you feel so desperately sad that you punish yourself through the denial of food & human contact. Both are one of life’s great joys & I hope at some time you can openly enjoy both.


The path to you achieving this does not start with you eating intensely high calorie foods however. It begins by looking into your heart & mind & finding a professional to talk to who can help you understand why you have felt so terrible about yourself since you were a child. You are not borderline anorexic Liz. You have anorexia nervosa & the illness itself is trying to make you believe you are not worthy of food, life, love & happiness. You are worth it Liz. You are absolutely worth it.

Please find someone to help you uncover your real & true self & not let your life be dominated by the negative & destructive voice that is anorexia any longer. You don’t have to live this way. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be happy & healthy AND be at peace with your body. You can. Reach out for help Liz. Please do it soon so that terribly negative & destructive voice can be calmed.

With many best wishes,


Julie Parker

Skinny Beer Falls Flat

You have probably already realised that I blog a great deal about girls & women’s issues, but today I want to give a special ‘shout-out’ to parents who are doing their best to raise kind & respectful men of the future. I think your task is a hard one when you are faced with things such as the following.

I first heard of Skinny Blonde Beer a couple of weekends ago. I was appalled to learn of this new beer & its use of a 1950’s style Vargas Girl on the bottle called Daisy. Now I must confess that I am actually a fan of the original Vargas Girls. They were curvaceous, beautiful & gorgeously styled. They have always appealed to my feminine side & passion for vintage photography, fashion & clothing.

Picture Credit

Daisy however, is not so gorgeously styled. She perches provocatively on the beer label in a red bikini, eventually losing the top half of her suit as the beer is drunk & the bottle warms up. The accompanying website that promotes the beer is just as offensive. Six Daisy look-a-likes, all blonde, all pouty, all in red bikini’s, are photographed corralled in a cardboard six-pack box. After making sure you have informed the owners of the website you are over the age of 18 (but who really knows), you can click one of the Daisy’s for a close up shot. There’s a strategically placed thermometer next to Daisy’s 1 through 6 that you then raise to get her to drop her top too.

The spokesman for the beer claims this is all meant to be a “bit of cheeky fun” but Women’s Forum Australia has a more educated viewpoint – “this is another blatant example of the alcohol industry objectifying women to move product.” Indeed. An investigation by the Advertising Standards Bureau of the campaign has been requested.

This blatant objectification of women in advertising is something that I thought was a product of our media saturated current times. Further research however tells me this is not the case as these examples of vintage sexist ads clearly demonstrate. The terrible impact these ads have on women’s body image & self esteem is potentially so insidious it cannot even be accurately measured. It’s an area of interest of mine in my ongoing quest for women to more media literate that I will continue to explore. What is of increasing interest to me as well now though is how such culture impacts on boys & young men. How can the parents of boys teach their sons about respect for women, love for diversity in shape, size, colour, race & responsible drinking of alcohol, when such products are directly targeting young drinkers?

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One suggestion I would like to make to them is to tell them that if they were to choose to drink such a beer in a bar or at a party & think they had any chance of catching the eye of a fabulous gal to hang out with – I think their chances are pretty low. I think most women who respected themselves & other women would realise what a terrible product this beer is & that any man who was drinking it would not be particularly well rounded. My husband has told me that he would be embarrassed for any man drinking such a product & has likened it to them having a portable ‘peep show’ in their hand.

I have my fingers crossed that the Bureau’s investigation sees the beer pulled from shelves & the offending website shut down. We are up against it enough with so many other forms of advertising & products. This is surely one we could do without.

The Beauty & Beastliness of School Formals

I went to a small country high school that held one school ‘dance’ a year. With 14 of us in our final year a final year ‘formal’ would have been quite a funny sight. Instead, the whole school had one dance & girls & boys aged 12-18 all grooved the night away together.

These were the rules of the dance & I am not joking here. When you are 17 such things are simply not funny.

,- All students had to be dropped at the entrance to the dance by a parent & picked up the same way. No-one was permitted entry unless a teacher sited a parent at both ends of “the exchange."

- Girls were not permitted to wear heavy makeup or anything that was too high in the leg area & too low in the boob area. Further to this we were requested to wear nothing more than our ‘Sunday best.’ Glamorous dresses made of hot pink taffeta with Madonna like tiered ruffles, long strands of pearls & lace fingerless gloves (like I desperately wanted to wear) were out of the question.

- Everyone was permitted to dance with whomever they liked (thanks for that one!) but AT NO TIME was anyone permitted to touch anyone of the opposite sex.

At the time, my girlfriends & I felt such rules were terrible & we felt incredibly hard done by. It was a tragedy of Greek proportions.

I now find myself having a full circle moment where I will soon be helping participate in the Sydney School Formal Expo in my role as GM of The Butterfly Foundation , handing out positive body image tips to teenage girls & encouraging them to remember this is but one night of their life. Why is this so important? It seems that the school formal business has become somewhat like a mini version of the wedding industry involving big bucks, stressed out parents & a flurry of females fretting over dresses. There are also the ever present stories & now even credible research that tells us that for some – “high school formals can be a source of great trauma and humiliation.” What an incredible shame this is on an occasion that should be fun & memorable for all.

I wonder if the focus was less on expensive designer dresses, tuxedo’s, makeovers & limousines, & more on just having fun & including all, whether school formals would be this way. Somehow I think the lifting of the pressure would suddenly see girls & boys be less competitive & more embracing about how not only they, but others look, on such occasions. I think the ‘care factor’ would be much less.

I for one am looking forward to telling these young people that this just one night of their life, & that they are beautiful as they are without the designer tux or expensive curls. Funny how when I look back at my own experience of our little country dances I remember feeling so duped at the time.

Now I just feel very lucky & very blessed.

Please Send Charlotte Home

I am sure that we can all lay hand to having made a large judgment of error in our lives. I know I certainly can. I ponder though whether many people could ever say they have made as large a mistake as Charlotte Lindstrom, 24.

Charlotte is from Stockholm & came to Australia in 2004 on a working holiday where she fell in love with Steven Spaliviero, 18 years her senior, unaware he was a highly connected drug dealer. Before long 18 year old Charlotte found herself drawn into a deadly criminal world. When he was jailed in 2006 Charlotte was rung by Spaliviero relentlessly, with him eventually convincing her to arrange a ‘hit’ to murder two witnesses who were scheduled to testify against him. She was caught carrying out his wishes & jailed for three years.

So far you may be thinking this is not that different from any case of a young woman falling into the wrong crowd, doing a terrible thing & having to pay for it. You would be right to a certain extent, apart from the fact that Charlotte is not your average young woman, having had acute anorexia nervosa for most of her life. A court appointed psychologist stated that Charlotte "idealised" her relationship with Spalviero & that her eating disorder made her highly vulnerable to a much older man who seemed to be in control & made her feel safe. Charlotte will never be safe again however & will be in a witness protection program for the remainder of her life. It is widely known that Spalviero wishes her dead & as a result of this, she has spent every day of her prison term in solitary confinement.

I am sure that most people who are serving time in prison are trapped in a living hell – regardless of their guilt, innocence or otherwise. I think Charlotte’s hell is worse however, due to the fact that her BMI has plummeted to 13.6 & her weight 36kgs. She is desperately mentally & physically ill & reports are now coming through that her eating disorder is not being taken seriously & she is not receiving appropriate treatment. If this is truly accurate, it is a violation of human rights & must be corrected.

The Swedish government have already stated that they will accept Charlotte being transferred home to carry out further testimony she must give against Spaliviero via videolink, rather than making her face him in court as she is currently having to do. The Federal Government supports this; the New South Wales state government has remained silent. I agree with the Swedish Ambassador to Australia who has stated that Charlotte needs to be returned to home her homeland where she will receive appropriate treatment, be nearer to her frightened & devastated family & be as far away from Spalviero as possible.

This to me is a complete ‘no-brainer’. Please send Charlotte home immediately, or at least get her the treatment she needs to assist her to recover from her eating disorder. Would she be denied assistance if she had cancer, diabetes, or a heart condition? Somehow I think not.

May common sense prevail soon.

Disordered Eating in Trainee Teachers = ? For Students

I think if you were to ask most adults they would be able to relay to you either their own, or someone else’s “horror” story of high school gym, sport or physical education. Incidents of shouting, exclusion, bias to athletically gifted students & bullying seem to abound, to the point where many students withdraw from classes or are actually removed by their parents.

I write this not in attack of PE teachers, but actually out of concern for them and the young people they work with. While there are always negative examples in any profession, I also don’t believe that PE teachers deserve to be as badly caricatured as they are in films such as ‘Mr Woodcock.’

The concern I refer to is related to Australian research released last week. A survey of more than 500 trainee PE teachers has found that male teachers were almost five times more likely than other teachers to fast, use avoidance tactics around food, smoke, take laxatives, use diet pills & vomit as a means of weight control. Female trainees were twice as likely to vomit or take laxatives & were more likely to skip meals & avoid social situations that involved food. Over-exercising abounded.

The key question is why? How can these trainee teachers who are so young themselves, be engaging in practices that are incredibly dangerous and leading them down a path of developing an eating disorder – if they are tragically already not there. Aren’t they meant to be people who know a lot about health, the body and taking care of oneself? What has gone wrong here? I don’t profess to know all or even any of the answers – but my hunch is that the following plays some part.

Somewhere along the way the desire to be muscular and/or thin has seen many people begin to equate physical exercise with weight loss, perfection, drive & obsessive behaviour. Are these young trainees so concerned about their own physical appearance that they have to resort to these methods to feel ok about themselves and their bodies? They must. What other possible explanation could there be? If you know of any – please do comment. I would appreciate your input.

The follow on question to all of this of course is how these teachers of the future will possibly impact on their young students. Will their own body image woes and dangerous behaviours somehow transfer either directly or indirectly? Somehow, I tragically think that they may, unless we begin to seriously challenge this warped view that many have of exercise.

In the grand scheme of our wonderful lives – it’s not about weight loss, perfection, muscles, drive and body fat. Surely it must be about health, vitality, energy and balance. I hope our trainee teachers can learn this very soon not only for themselves, but for all their students of the future.

Bridal Body Pressures

I started 2009 in the most beautiful of ways. I got married. Having just settled into being ok about being a Bridget Jones singleton forever, falling in love & getting married came as a surprise. Planning the day was a great experience.

Except for one small detail...how was I going to get skinny?

Like most women living in a western world I have not been immune to body image, dieting & weight pressures. As a hopefully worldlier woman in my thirties I now feel a considerable deal less vulnerable to such pressure, but being a bride sure did test my ‘worldliness.’

Shopping for my dress was an average experience. I was not permitted to have much of an opinion about what suited me. I was steered towards what I can only describe as meringues or frosted cake ensembles that were supposedly meant to ‘disguise’ my bottom & hip area. Hmmmmm.

In one upmarket boutique I was asked if I had plans to lose weight & in another it was ‘do you think you might tone up?’ The pressure was building as the wedding world convinced me that I needed to lose weight to look & feel my best on my one big day. Every magazine, chat room or blog I looked at was saturated with dieting tips & articles on how to be a ‘hot & skinny’ bride. It was difficult to resist & I started to linger longer in front of the mirror in the morning, wondering whether I needed to do something about what appeared to be a drastic situation. I was not & never have been naturally thin. Did the success of my entire day hinge on this?

While the marketing machine of the wedding world may have been trying to tell me so, the whole thing was of course insidious & nothing more than an attempt to get me to spend more money on things such as ‘Bridal Boot Camp’ the ‘Skinny Bride Diet’ & various forms of expensive magic knickers that were supposedly going to help me lose kilo’s in an instant. It was all very hard to resist but was superbly helped by finding a dressmaker who actually listened to me & what I wanted.

While I felt incredibly beautiful & happy on my day, it deeply saddens me that Britt Pulton, 29, will never experience her own, after dying from bulimia just months away from her wedding date. Britt had suffered from a long standing eating disorder that was exacerbated by workplace bullying. I can only assume that Britt’s anxiety was also not helped by her impending day & the pressure that society places on women to look nothing less than perfect. I am incredibly sorry for Britt’s loss but wish to thank her & her family for inspiring me to write this blog post.

If you are a bride, a bridesmaid or simply on a journey to a big occasion where you want to look your beautiful best – here are a few of my simple tips.

- Crash diets are disastrous & dangerous. They will make you hungry, moody & sap your skin of vital moisture. They can also set you on a fast path to an eating disorder. Please avoid.

- Have confidence that no-one knows your body the way you do. If you want a certain look, don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise.

- Be wary of bridal magazines. They are expensive & while useful for ideas & inspiration, they can also be a source of insipid marketing designed to make you feel you must look, act & be a certain way to be a ‘real’ bride.

- Remember that your fiancée is marrying you not for the way you look, but for who you are – your soul, your heart, yourself. They are lucky to have you.

- Do remember that this is just one day of your life. It’s an important one, but don’t place so much pressure on yourself about your weight, appearance & that dress that you become anxious, irritable & upset. You are worth more than that.

- The most beautiful brides & indeed people, are the ones that radiate love & confidence. Be yourself & you will be beautiful.

Lastly – this is me with my divine husband on our special day. I think I scrubbed up more than ok with not a meringue or frosted cake in sight.

Curves Are Back Are They?

I do most of my reading online these days. I seem to have almost forgotten what a novel is. When I feel like wading through a mountain of airbrushed advertising – I pick up a magazine.  What I do enjoy having in my hands though are the weekend papers. Reading them online just doesn’t feel the same. I want that slightly inky residue on my fingers & it’s a great excuse for some time out with a cuppa.

I was incredibly glad for my ritual of buying the weekend papers when I recently got a chance to read ‘Shape Shifting’ by Sarah Wilson in Sunday Life, The Sunday Age Magazine. It was, quite simply, the best article I have ever read on dieting, body image, fashion & our ongoing fascination with ‘thin.’ As the GM of The Butterfly Foundation an amazing organisation that supports people with eating disorders & negative body image, this is really saying something, as I read about these issues a great deal.

Sarah’s cynicism on all of the so-called new catch-cries we are hearing about ‘curves are back’ was refreshing & real. Haven’t we heard all this before? Every new season this claim is made, but has anything changed that much? Is being thin still not sold to us as the epitome of glamour, success & the only way to look really fashionable? I think it is. As Sarah’s article suggests, rarely are curves back “in any lasting way…sadly, thin is still in.”

While the occasional high end fashion magazine may do a spread with a plus sized model or the formerly rubenesque Sophie Dahl makes modelling headlines, Sarah rightly points out that this doesn’t really mean a great deal for the average sized woman. Many fashion labels do not make sizes beyond a 14 & to make the matter worse, many well known clothing lines from the USA such as Ann Taylor are actually reducing their sizes as I type.

Curves are back are they? Curves are being cut out more like it.

‘Shape Shifting’ goes on to state that if indeed it is becoming more acceptable to be above a model size, that this may have something to do with the fact that women worldwide are suffering from ‘a serious case of diet fatigue.’ It’s simply too hard, too expensive, too dangerous & too soul destroying to be on all of these diets all of the time. Surely this must be contributing to the fact that as a nation we are constantly told we are getting larger & (a lesser known & publicised fact), that instances of disordered eating & eating disorders are spiralling out of control.

My hope is that one day the beautiful model that Sarah uses for ‘Shape Shifting’ – Laura Wells, 24, pictured here, will be labelled not as a plus size model, but rather just a model. Then we might really be getting somewhere.

In the meantime, common sense approaches to this issue are earning big claps from me. Sarah’s advocacy of us all learning to have “the smarts to reject diets” & have a softer approach to ourselves & others that celebrates body diversity, is a symphony to my soul.

Thanks Sarah. By the way – loving your work as the host of MasterChef. We need more women on TV & in the public eye such as you.

Your 'Perfect' Body Shape Found

Do you know which one you are? A skittle? A column? A vase? A bell?

Have no idea what I am talking about? I don’t blame you. Further explanation and some pictures to possibly help will follow.

I have noticed of late that everyone from fashion designers to celebrity stylists seem to be trying desperately to sum up my body shape and give me a label. This is meant to boost my confidence and most importantly, assist me to buy clothes that best fit and flatter my shape. Problem is – I’m just not so sure about all these ‘body shapes’ and how helpful they really are – especially when they are grossly inaccurate in the first place.

British stylists Trinny Woodall and Susannah Constantine claim to have found transformational formula that will help every woman with their body shape.  This naturally comes via their book ‘The Body Shape Bible’ and their 12 ‘new’ body shapes.  At first glance one might be fooled into thinking that these fashionista’s have done us all a favour by moving beyond the regular women’s body shape labels of Pear, Hourglass and Apple. It doesn’t really ring true however when some of these revolutionary shapes are described as –

Skittle – “With you the problem lies further down – it’s a thigh situation.”

Lollipop – “With your buxom boobs and endless legs you are most men’s idea of sex on a stick.”

Brick – “Your predicament is that from behind, you have a masculine shape.”

Anyone’s confidence feeling boosted? I didn’t think so.

Of even greater assault is the latest advertising by Kayser Lingerie called “Perfect Fit.” Kayser attempts to sell us that they have found the ‘Holy Grail’ of women’s undies – those that fit perfectly, look great and never, ever, ride up where they shouldn’t. This is all possible from making these undies to fit the four encompassing women’s body shapes – Column, Apple, Pear and Hourglass.

Here they are.

  

                                                                                                                                                            

Wait a minute! Are we supposed to look at these models and somehow find our like shape? Are the strategically placed apple and pear meant to help us out if we are somewhat struck by the fact that they all look exactly the same? Sorry Kayser. You are underestimating your target market. Women are smarter than this.

The comments about Trinny and Susannah’s twelve shapes (rather than just your four) are testament to this -

“This sort of analysis is a total waste of time as we all know we are ALL different” – Paula

“I too am none of these shapes – glad I’m not the only one” – Lynne

“Where is the petite and flat chested woman represented on this chart?” – Cass

Indeed.

On analysis I think I might have worked out though that I am a lollipop face, brick chest, hourglass waist, pear bottom and goblet arms. Legs are MIA.

So – I am left wondering what is my perfect body shape and type? What will help me go shopping this season with greater confidence and knowledge of what clothes will make me look amazing?

Thinking….thinking….I’ve got it. My body type is the ‘Julie Parker’ and I am sure your perfect body type is the ‘Insert Your Gorgeous Name Here’ too.

Many Grateful Thanks

Well...I am at once excited, nervous, inspired and terrified at writing my first blog post. I have always loved the written word and its ability to propel and challenge people to greater heights of thinking and action. In saying that, I never actually believed I would be putting my own words 'out there' for others to read. I feel somewhat like an author without the hassle of a literary agent! How fabulous.

I make a commitment to both myself and anyone who may choose to read my blog that it will be filled with things that will help your life be more whole, beautiful and inspirational. I feel as if my whole life as a person is about helping others to radiate beauty from within and learn to love their body, appearance and self. I also promise to not 'hold back' on the many examples of insidious advertising and media that try to tell us every day we are not ok and need to buy products and 'stuff ' to make us feel better about ourselves. Let's lift the lid off such things - we are so much smarter and better than that.

Thank you for sharing this world wide web journey. I look forward to sharing with you and welcome your insights and comments.

Please be gentle with me as I find my way through cyberspace.